


Gloom & Sunshine

by kroas_adtam



Series: Gloom & Sunshine [1]
Category: All Time Low (Band), Waterparks (Band)
Genre: All Time Low (Band) - Freeform, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Fluff, Gawsten, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, Touring, waterparks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2018-12-12 00:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11725722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kroas_adtam/pseuds/kroas_adtam
Summary: Things break, we break, and sometimes, if you're lucky, there's someone there to pick up the pieces.New chapter every Friday 5pm central time.





	1. Anguish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing about breaking up with someone, no matter what point you are in the relationship, no matter how wonderfully, how horribly, or how impassive you feel about the end…
> 
> It still fucking sucks.

The thing about breaking up with someone, no matter what point you are in the relationship, no matter how wonderfully, how horribly, or how impassive you feel about the end…

It still fucking _sucks._

Hitting that final send, on the shittiest conversation he’d ever had to have, Awsten felt his world collapse. Sure, he had been the one to initiate the ordeal, albeit breaking up over text was _never_ the intention, and it added to the feeling of wanting the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Ciara was too smart to not see it coming from the sudden, ‘Hey, can I call you tonight about something?’ text after a few days—he’s not proud of it—of ghosting her calls and texts.

“Aws? Hey… Awsten?”

Awsten jumped, his grip a bit weak from anxiety, he nearly dropped his phone. His heterochromatic eyes didn’t hide anything as they met the brown of his best friend’s.

“Hm? What’s up, Otto?” He mumbled as he swallowed around the lump in his throat, trying to bite back the tears that made his nose burn. He glanced around and noticed Alex Gaskarth looking at him curiously a couple feet away. Awsten tried to give him somewhat of a smile to say nothing was wrong, but he could feel how stiff it was. Alex leaned over and handed Awsten a bottle of water without a word, just a gentle smile. Awsten nodded his thanks, tracing the ridges of the plastic cap with his calloused fingers.

“Come on.” Otto patted Awsten’s shoulder and held out a hand, hoisting the blue-haired singer up and leading him off the stage the crew was gathered on, not noticing a pair of bright blue eyes following them. They walked through the now quiet halls of the venue, until they reached a dead end that had an abandoned snack table littered with piles of unused napkins and cups. Otto turned to look at his friend to see silent tears running down his stubble dusted cheeks. By the looks of him, Awsten hadn’t shaved or slept in a few days.

“Aws… What’s going on?” Otto asked as gently as possible.

“It… It’s nothing.” His voice was thick, Otto felt awful seeing him like this.

“This isn’t nothing, man…”

Awsten looked down to side, sniffling lightly, swiping at his eyes with the sleeve of his floral sweater. He took his bottom lip in his teeth, worrying at the skin.

“Come on, what’s so bad that you don’t want to tell me?”

Awsten looked down at his fingers, pulling his sweater sleeves over his hands. “C…. Ciara and I… we broke up…” His higher toned voice was low and heavy, saying it out loud made his stomach sink, his legs felt like gelatin.

“Oh… fuck, dude, I’m so sorry…” Otto stepped forward, hugging his friend. Awsten hugged back lightly, but really, he didn’t want to be touched. He just wanted to take a nap and forget this wretched day. “I’m gonna go get Geoff, okay? He’ll be able to help.”

“No, no… I… I don’t want him to know…” Awsten stepped out of Otto’s hug, still looking down at his hands. He took off his glasses and rubbed a bit too harshly at his eyes.

“What? Why not?” Otto was shocked to hear Awsten wanted to keep such a devastating secret from Geoff, their adopted dad, the most responsible of the three.

“He’ll… try and fix it…”

“He’ll try and cheer you up.” Otto grabbed some of the napkin off the table and handed them to the singer.

“No, he’ll try and convince me to get back together with Ciara…” He blew his nose in the napkin, then started crying again.

“Awsten… You’re crazy about her… I can see how much pain you’re in… Don’t… you want to get back together with her?”

Awsten shook his head, his shoulders shaking, crying into the napkin. “N-Not anymore… n-not for a while…” Otto let him cry, rubbing his back to try and keep him from sinking into an anxiety attack. He had seen Geoff help him this was many times before. After a few minutes Awsten had calmed, but his face was still red and puffy. They’d have to wait it out, otherwise Geoff would freak.

“I’ve been wondering what’s been going on with you… Alex and Rian noticed it too, you haven’t been yourself at all lately…”

Awsten kept avoiding Otto’s soul-searching eyes. “Has…. Has Geoff… said anything to you?”

Otto had to keep himself from rolling his eyes, Awsten needed a friend, not an earful of sarcastic comments.

“No, but you know how he is. He’s so focused on the headliner, and his new guitar, and making sure this tour ends well… He’s oblivious when it comes to this kind of stuff.”

Awsten nodded, sighing softly. Otto was right, Geoff can get a bit spacey when he’s distracted by the big important stuff. Awsten couldn’t help but smile thinking of the time Geoff didn’t realize he was talking to Mikey Way for a solid minute and a half. Geoff was sweet, talented, his best friend, but… yeah. He could be pretty oblivious.

Otto waited a minute until Awsten seemed calm enough. “Can… I ask what happened? Why’d you two break up?” He asked delicately, hoping it wouldn’t start more tears.

“I really, really don’t want to talk about it… Not yet…” Awsten didn’t tear up, but played with the rainbow feet necklace that rested on his chest. The swelling in his face was going down, but he still looked very upset and was avoiding eye contact.

“Do you want to pull out of the show tonight? I’m sure the guys will understand…”

“No! No, that’s crap, we’ve got, like, two shows left on tour, I’m not missing any of it.”

Otto smiled lightly, glad to see Awsten still had some fight in him.

“Well, come on then, Geoff will start to wonder where we are.” They slowly made their way back towards the stage doors, Otto had hoped Alex had come up with some lie to cover their disappearance.

“Hey—“ Awsten lightly caught Otto’s elbow before they went back into the group. “Promise me you won’t say anything. As far as everyone else knows, I still have a girlfriend… I don’t want everyone to get worked up and think I’m not mentally capable of performing right now.”

Otto took this into consideration for a moment. “Alright, but for now. If I feel like you’re not getting better, I _will_ tell Geoff. Okay? He cares about you, and so do I. Neither one of us would want you to have to go through this alone. Pinky promise me that you’ll let me know if you’re overwhelmed.”

Awsten nodded slowly and held up his pinky finger. Otto smiled wide and wrapped his around Awsten’s.

They walked back up the steps to the stage where everyone was gathered. They all looked bored waiting for the techs to finish bringing in stuff from the various busses and vans. Awsten avoided eye contact with most, but met the curious eyes of Alex by accident. Alex tried to give him a friendly smile, but Awsten looked away. He sighed and sat on an equipment case, while Otto climbed and sat on an amp case, swinging his legs right behind the blue-haired man.

“Awsten, you alright man?” Alex asked, having scooted closer, crossing his long legs under him while he sat on the scuffed stage floor.

Awsten just shrugged, sighing lightly. “I will be.” Was all he could mutter on the matter. He felt someone watching him, and looked up to lock eyes with his other best friend who was sitting on a riser next to Jack Barakat, a phone glued to his ear, a notepad in his lap. Geoff tried to give Awsten a soft smile, but again, Awsten dropped his eyes before he could see it.

“Jack and Geoff are getting along…” Awsten muttered, more to himself, but he saw Alex look at them, then back to him.

“I guess.” Alex’s answer was short and hard. Awsten could almost hear the eye roll in there too.

Awsten looked back to them, his eyebrows raising in surprise and, erm… confusion.

“Jack, seriously, just… why?” Alex sighed in exasperation after looking back at them too. Jack was standing, tying up his shirt into a crop top and shoving his skinny jeans as far up as they would go. He sat back down, criss-cross with some difficulty as his jeans didn’t have much give anymore, and tying on his head, as if it were a helmet, was a bright yellow bra.

“What?” Jack responded idly, as if nothing he was doing ranked as bizarre.

Awsten joined in on the laughter, this was the norm now in their months of touring with All Time Low. The venues were never properly vented, sweaty, smelly men and fans, were all made up for by the strange, and more often hilarious, situations Waterparks found themselves in.

Awsten wouldn’t trade these weird memories for anything.

He felt someone watching him again, and met the blue eyes of his best friend, the literal stupid ray of sunshine. Geoff glanced down quickly, scribbling away in the notepad on his lap. Awsten watched him for a few minutes before he felt a sharp nudge in his lower spine. He whipped around to glare at Otto, still on the amp case, the toe of his Converse centimeters away from the small of Awsten’s back. Otto had that dumb grin he wore when he was up to no good. Awsten grabbed his foot and stole his left shoe, then stood and walked across the crowded stage, sitting next to Geoff, tossing the shoe aside, earning a ridiculous face of betrayal from Otto who was pretending like he was now stranded on the equipment case.

Geoff was talking to someone on the other end, Awsten rested his chin on the guitarist’s shoulder, looking at the notes in his notebook. It was all about their headline tour. Geoff playfully nudged Awsten and tapped his finger on one note/doodle. It was a scribble of the letter M? Awsten’s dark brown eyebrows pulled together under his bright blue bangs. Why would Geoff show Awsten a particular crappy doodle of a letter? Geoff smiled ever so lightly, feeling Awsten’s confusion, he held up his finger, letting Aws know it’d be a minute before he could explain. Awsten watched his friend work, wishing he’d hang up so they could go practice or play Mario Kart.

Mario Kart, preferably.

“Come oooooon” Awsten whined quietly, wanting to be interruptive, but not too rude. He continued his whining until Geoff covered Austin’s mouth entirely with his hand. Awsten grumbled louder under the rough hand, but Geoff ignored him. At least, until Awsten did the unthinkable and licked his palm. Grinning widely as Geoff yelped and jerked a foot away from the blue, he could help but develop a fit of giggles as the working man was desperately trying to wipe off the sensation of his hand being licked.

“You know, that’s no way to get what you want.” Awsten looked up to see Jack standing behind them, bra-helmet still securely on.

“Wh-what??” Awsten sputtered.

“If you want him to get off the phone, you must be drastic.” Said the tall man dramatically. Awsten could tell this was going to end very weirdly.

“He’ll be off in a minute, it’s about our tour.”

“ _Or_. He can be off now!” Jack reached over, put his face to Geoff’s cheek and to the brunette’s horror, grossly dragged his tongue across his cheek.

Awsten covered his mouth with both hands, and Otto let out an audible gasp. Geoff went pale and looked at Jack, he told the person on the other line he’d have to call him back, before a huge involuntary shudder ran through him. He shoved Jack away by the face and used his jacket to wipe off the trail of saliva.

“Why?!” Was all he could manage, rubbing his cheek vigorously with the back of his hand.

“Awsten wanted you off the phone,” He shrugged, tying a Waterparks flag on like a cape.

Geoff looked at Awsten who was still stunned. “I didn’t ask him to do that I swear!” He said as Geoff’s blue eyes were waiting for an answer as _why he was just licked_.

“God, you’ve licked all of us now, you know that right?!” Geoff barked at Jack. Mostly everyone was doubled over in laughter, the only two staring were Awsten and Alex. And Alex looked _pissed._

Jack pursed his lips in thought for a moment. “And now I know what you taste like!”

“What?!” Geoff said, still messing with his cheek. Awsten could see a patch of red from where he had been rubbing.

“You taste like mangoes.” Jack said simply before whipping around, the Waterparks flag fluttering from around his neck. Jack usually found a flag somewhere and enjoyed tying it on like a cape. Awsten guessed the only one available was the big yellow Waterparks one.

His thoughts about where Jack had found the flag came to a halt when what Jack had said about Geoff came rudely smashing in.

‘…Mangoes?’ He looked curiously at Geoff, who was grumbling, redialing the number to get back on the phone.

Awsten liked mangoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back in business baby


	2. Insecurity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff is picking at his lip, Awsten hasn't lifted his head from the table, Otto is reading a magazine. 
> 
> Those two idiots were driving him insane.

Geoff was picking at his bottom lip. Awsten hated seeing him do that, he knew it meant Geoff was stressed and he didn’t like it when Geoff was stressed.  He watched the guitarist pace from where his head was stuck to the surface of the table. His entire body felt heavy, he wanted to close his eyes and sleep. He had turned off his phone, it sat away from his head. He sighed and finally closed his eyes, kind of regretting telling Otto he wanted to go on stage tonight.

Geoff turned from picking his bottom lip to chewing on it. He was watching Awsten, he could feel the storm forming over his friend. He knew something had been up with Awsten for a little over a week now, but Geoff knew that if the blue haired singer wanted to talk about it, he would. He twisted his fingers anxiously, wanting to talk to Awsten, wanting to ask him what happened when the two left the stage, but, again, he didn’t. Awsten was very private about his emotions sometimes, and Geoff respected that as much as he could. But it hurt him to know Awsten didn’t trust as much anymore,

“Hey,” He gave Awsten a light smile when those dual colored eyes opened and looked at him. Geoff always liked Awsten’s eyes. “You alright? Where’s Ciara?” He had noticed she wasn’t around the past few shows, and if the two had gotten into a fight, it could really fuck with Awsten’s stage presence. Geoff’s worry at his lip increased when he saw Otto’s eyes glance to Awsten over some book Rian Dawson had lent him.

“Had to go back home.” Awsten mumbled, he didn’t lift his head, but averted his gaze from Geoff’s.

‘ _Oh, so that’s why he’s so moody. He misses her…’_ Geoff just nodded, looking down at his hands, and began playing an imaginary piano on his lap.

“Hey, I don’t… I don’t want to play 21 Questions tonight.” Awsten finally lifted his head.

Geoff looked surprised. “Why not?”

“I just don’t…” He looked down at his lap, avoiding looking at any of them. Otto didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look surprised.

“Okay, what do you want to play instead? I’ll go hunt down the back track in our trailer.” He smiled lightly to Awsten, as he stood. Awsten glanced up in time to see that sweet smile and felt his heart squeeze, he looked down to his hands to hide the flush settling on his cheeks.

“No Capes?” He asked quietly.

The brunet was surprised, had to think about where that track was. “Sure, let me go see if I can find it, okay?” He walked over and patted Awsten’s shoulder, trying to give him a smile, but the singer was refusing to look at him. Geoff’s sunshine smile faltered and he felt his heart sink. “O-Okay, I’ll be right back…” He glanced at Awsten one more time before leaving the room, a security guard helping him sneak out to where their trailer was, unseen.

“No Capes?” Otto was looking at Awsten with a slight smirk.

“Shut up. Don’t say anything to him, you swore.”

Otto shrugged, his smirk now a grin. “I didn’t say I would say anything, did I?”

Awsten sighed and places his head back on the table. “Break ups suck, man…”

“Yeah, but you’ll be okay in a few days. You weren’t happy anymore, right? Now you can be.”

“Mmm…” Was all he could say, staring at the empty couch, where Geoff had been sitting. He wanted his human version of the sun to come back, but… also didn’t want to deal with the guilt he felt every time he looked at Geoff… where was Geoff?

 

“Hey, you okay, babe?”

Geoff looked over to see Jack Barakat standing in the opening of their trailer. Geoff nodded, looking back down into the case he had cracked open.

“I’m fine…”

“You’re crying…”

Geoff wiped his cheek on his shoulder. “It’s nothing, Jay, really.”

“Hey, you can talk to me.” The tall man stepped into the trailer and put a hand on Geoff’s shoulder.

“I just… “ Geoff stood straight and still only came up to Jack’s chin. “I feel like Awsten isn’t telling me something…. and I haven’t been able to sleep…” He covered his face. “It’s been so long since I slept… I worry about him so much.”

“Hey, hey, take a breath, Geoffie, its okay.” He hugged the slightly shorter man. He felt Geoff shake in his arms and pouted lightly. “Hey, don’t cry…”

“I just… I-I’m so worried…”

“I know, I know how much he means to you.” Jack rubbed his back trying to soothe him.

“I miss my friend, Jack… I-I miss—“ He hiccupped a sob into Jack’s denim jacket, making the taller man hug him tighter

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, it’s okay…” Jack comforted Geoff, helping him calm down.

Geoff sighed and stepped out of Jack’s arms when he had stopped crying. He looked back into the case and pulled out the back track they needed.

“Hey, you text me when you need me, okay? You’re not alone, babe, I’ll come and hang out with you anytime you need, okay?”

Geoff nodded, sniffling lightly looking at the case in his hands. “Thanks, Jack.”

“Awe, darlin’ you can always count on me.” Jack drawled with a terrible southern accent, making Geoff smile. “There’s that smile!” Jack smiled too, ruffling Geoff’s hair and hugging him one more time. “Come on, let’s get you back to your boyfriend.”

“Shut up.” Geoff playfully shoved the guitarist off of him with a giggle.

 

Awsten was humming softly the song they hadn’t played in some time, flexing his fingers as he practiced the chords in the air. Their techs would bring in their guitars as soon as they had checked their connections. They had to be double, triple, quad-fucking-druple diligent this time, Awsten’s connection had crashed not even two songs into their set in Kansas City.

Otto leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, listening to the voices grow louder as the venue filled with fans. He hoisted himself up with a sigh and started to stretch. Awsten glanced up, then back down to his hands, uninterested in doing the same.

“Come on man, try and buck up just long enough for our set.” Otto said, sliding into a low split, trying to hit the ground without hurting himself.

“I’m fine, I just…” He let out a soft sigh, now fidgeting his necklace. “I hate keeping secrets from Geoff.”

“Then tell him, he can help.” Otto was now twisting around doing his trunk rotations.

“No, I don’t want to distract him.”

Otto rolled his eyes and lied flat on his back, stretching his knees to his chest. “You need to tell your best friend you’re sad, blueberry idiot.”

“Blueberry idiot?” Awsten cracked a smile.

“I’m just saying, Geoff will only want you to feel better.”

Awsten’s smile faded, he nervously twisted the thin band around his finger. “I’ll tell him eventually.” Otto groaned in exasperation.

“You guys ready?” Nick Anderson, vocalist for The Wrecks, poked his head in. “It’s almost time.”

“Where’s Geoff?” Otto asked while in the middle of a torso stretch.

Nick shrugged, playing with the robot pendant hanging around his neck. “I saw him head towards the trailers with a security guard, but haven’t seen him since. I saw Jack out that way too, they’re probably hanging out or something.”

Awsten clenched the hem of his shirt.

“I’ll go look for him, I need to change into my shorts. And I want to get on my unicycle to burn off some nerves.” Otto hoisted himself up and left with Nick.

‘He’s with Jack? He’s with _Jack??’_ Awsten was fuming. He barely registered the techs when they brought in his and Geoff’s guitars. Why the _hell_ was Geoff with Jack? Why the fuck wasn’t Geoff in here with _him_? What was so interesting about Jack anyway?

Geoff came in, looking way more tired than he did before he left. Awsten’s sudden irrational spark of jealousy vanished when he saw Geoff rub his eyes.

“You okay?” Awsten stood and sat next to Geoff on the couch.

“I’m fine.” Geoff stood quickly and crossed the room.

Awsten’s eyebrows pulled together. He wracked his brain, fuck, what could he have done this time? Geoff was only short like this when Awsten had done something incredibly fucking stupid. He chewed his thumb nail, deciding he best change the subject.

“Did you find the track? Did Otto find you?”

“He’s on his unicycle, I gave the techs the track.” His answers were uninformative, it made Awsten frustrated. His human sunshine wasn’t supposed to be gloomy.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Otto came back in, having changed into those ridiculously short shorts he wore to stand the summer heat. He had his sticks and sat on the floor, looking between the two who were sitting annoyingly far apart.

“Wanna jam No Capes?” He asked, trying to break the tension he could feel from down the hall.

Geoff nodded, going back to his guitar. He sat next to Awsten on the couch, but even Awsten could tell that the other was not okay being near him right now.

Seriously, what had Awsten done?

They played through the song, Geoff was refusing to look at Awsten, Awsten was stealing glances at the other, and Otto wanted to yell at them both. The singer couldn’t take the tension anymore when the song was done, he bolted out the door with some bullshit excuse.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Otto asked Geoff quietly, seeing the other bury his face in his hands.

“Why is Awsten so stupid?” Geoff’s muffled voice was on the edge of tears. Otto scooted closer, putting an arm over his shoulders.

“Don’t cry, Geoff, he—“

“Why doesn’t he trust me anymore?” Geoff’s shoulders shook, he set his guitar down and turned into Otto who hugged him tight.

“Hey, hey, don’t say that, he trusts you, this is just an Awsten and Ciara thing.”

“I-I can hear him crying, I-I know he isn’t sleeping, why won’t he just talk to me?”

Otto squeezed him tighter, rubbing his back. “This isn’t your fault, Geoff, you know how Awsten can get sometimes… I promise you, he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

Geoff pulled back, chewing on his bottom lip, but nodded. Waves of anxiety and self-doubt spilled off him like a hurricane, Otto’s heart tugged with guilt. He hated keeping stuff from Geoff almost as much as Awsten did. They chatted quietly trying to calme Geoff, and get the swelling in his eyes to go down.

“Hey, at least he didn’t ask to play Easter Egg, right?” Otto grinned, bumping Geoff’s arms with his knuckles.

“Maybe as revenge, I’ll choose Easter Egg for the next tour—Next tour! Oh my God, I completely forgot!”

“Forgot what?” Otto looked surprised at Geoff’s sudden fervor.

“We got a sponsorship!”

“What?? When did you find out?? Who??”

“Monster! And I found out right before you guys left—” His excitement faltered, his smile faded. “…before you left the stage…”

Otto decided to leave this conversation for another time, and needed to distract his friend. “What was is like to be licked by Jack?” He grinned, Geoff let out a little laugh.

“You would know, he licked your arm last week.”

“Yeah, but it’s a whole different ordeal to be licked on your face.”

Geoff scrunched up his nose, and rubbed his cheek. “It was weird as fuck, especially since Awsten had just licked my hand. Although, I don’t know why he said I taste like mangoes, I don’t even _like_ mangoes.”

“The guy wore a bright yellow bra like a helmet, it’s just something you have to get used to, I suppose.” Otto laughed. Geoff joined him, his mood picking up again.

Geoff stood, stretching his arms, legs, and fingers. When he picked up his guitar again, Otto could hear him singing Crave under his breath, which meant he was perking up, and ready to perform. He smiled, but sighed and rubbed his forehead.

These two idiots where going to drive him insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still trying to get back into the swing of things
> 
> comments always appreciated


	3. Repose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Waterparks set went great, everyone was on their game. But backstage, Awsten and Geoff, being the stubborn idiots they were, were still insisting that they were mad at each other. If Otto's eyes roll any harder, they might fall out of his head.

Geoff, Awsten, and Otto were backstage after their set, the performance went great! Awsten was full of energy, Geoff was able to push away his worries and exhaustion-with the help of a quick chug of Redbull- and Otto was his usual happy-drummer boy self. Geoff was knelt at his equipment case, wrapping up some things when he felt someone ruffle his hair. Looking up, Jack was smiling down at him.

“Ya done good, kid.” Jack grinned.

Geoff smiled back, but didn’t say anything, looking back at the wires in his hand. Jack knelt beside him and helped him wrap some chords.

“Jay, you don’t need to--”

“I know, but you look exhausted so I thought I’d help.”

“Thanks…” Geoff sighed lightly.

“Have you talked to Awsten yet?” Jack asked quietly, glancing over his shoulder to see if Awsten was in ear shot.

Geoff shook his head. “Not gonna.”

“Why not?” Jack looked a bit surprised. “Geoff, you can’t push him--”

“I’m not pushing him away, I just…” He played with a switch on the pedal in his hands. “I don’t want to add to his worry.”

“Jack! Come on man!” Rian called from where the rest of All Time Low and their techs were waiting.

“Keep your panties on, I’m comin’!” Jack shouted back. The tall guitarist stood, ruffling Geoff’s hair once more. “You need a haircut.” He teased, winking, and left to join his bandmates.

Geoff just rolled his eyes, closed his packed up case and went to join Awsten and Otto who were headed up some stairs to watch ATL perform from a private balcony. They sat and watched as the headlining band came on stage, Jack wearing that ostentatious yellow flag like a cape still, determined to make it through the entire show with it on. Zack and Alex followed suit a few songs in, Alex tying a Gay Pride flag on, Zack tying on a fan-made ATL flag. Otto laughed when the three idiots started running around the stage to see whose flag had the best flutter. He glanced over and scowled, seeing Awsten and Geoff leaning away from each other, being the stubborn morons they were and insisting they were mad at each other.

‘ _For literally no fuckin’ reason.’_ Otto thought, rolling his eyes.

Awsten’s foot started to bounce from nerves as Alex took his acoustic guitar and started singing ‘Therapy’ into his bra-covered microphone. He was glancing at Geoff more and more, who had his blue eyes firmly glued to his hands. Otto knew how this song affected Geoff, so he put his arm on the back of Geoff’s chair, resting a hand on his shoulder. The entire venue was filled with the sound of fans singing with Alex, voices sounded stuffy as they sang the solemn words. Sure enough, Otto heard a slight sniffle from his left, he looked to see Geoff swipe at his eyes. Awsten’s foot stopped bouncing, he reached over and rested his hand on Geoff’s wrist, comforting their guitarist while he cried. Otto was just glad Awsten could stop being stupid long enough to be there for their friend. Geoff looked at Awsten’s hand on his wrist, mumbling along with the words. He sniffled and placed his hand over Awsten’s, who gave his wrist a comforting squeeze. Sure, he was mad at Awsten, but he was grateful that Awsten was still his friend and was still willing to comfort him.

During Alex’s stage banter with Jack, Awsten stood to stretch his legs and meander off. Geoff caught him before he left the balcony, hugging him tight.

“I’m sorry…” Geoff mumbled.

Awsten pressed his face into his best friend’s shoulder, hugging him just as tight.

“Me too.”

They let go of each other, seemingly having made up. Geoff sat back down with Otto, Awsten wandered out to their van for some peace and quiet. The universe, however, didn’t have peace and quiet in mind for Awsten.

13 missed calls from: *fist emoji*

30 messages from: *fist emoji*

Ciara.

Fuck.

Awsten grimaced, thinking he should have left his phone with Otto so he wouldn’t have to face these messages. Almost unwillingly, he unlocked his phone and began reading  all of them. They varied from sad goodbyes, begging for a second chance, accusations of Awsten cheating, somre horrible slurs about his best friend, and then, the worst, some choice confessions that would make Awsten never want to sing 21 Questions again. He started seeing red and chucked his phone across the van, it smashed into the wall with a shattering sound. He curled in on himself, burying his face in his arms, unsure if he wanted to cry, scream, or break something else. He stayed like this, not even looking up when the van door opened, followed by Otto and Geoff’s voices cutting off mid sentence.

“Jesus, look at that crack-- Oh fuck his phone--”

“Awsten…” Geoff picked up his phone, the glass falling out of the frame. “Well… I guess we’ll have to get you a new one somewhere along the way.” Geoff sat on the couch next to Awsten, putting a hand on his back, his blue eyes full of concern. Awsten peaked out from his arms, hating seeing those eyes rimmed with red, filled with exhaustion.

“Go to bed, Geoff…” Awsten muttered.

“I’m fine,” His automatic response. “Why’d you break your phone?”

Awsten just shook his head, still looking at Geoff, who never slept enough in his opinion. He was so lost in thought about Geoff’s sleeping habits--or lack thereof-- he didn’t hear Otto ask him a question, in fact he didn’t hear much until he felt strong hands picking him up.

“Wha--” His heavy eyes opened, just as he was being placed in his bunk. Geoff smiled lightly and ruffled his hair.

“Get some sleep, you look exhausted.”

“Says you, the most sleep deprived of us all.” Awsten grumbled, rolling on to his side.

Geoff chuckled, drawing the curtain, going back to the couch. Otto joined him, staring out the little window, wondering if he should get to bed too.

“Otto, can I trust you with a huge secret?”

“Of course you can, why would you even need to ask?” Otto sounded a bit offended.

Geoff tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do about Awsten anymore…”

Otto knew exactly what Geoff meant. “That’s not a secret, dude. Well, maybe to Awsten, but not to me. So let me ask, what do you _want_ to do? If there were no repercussions, if Awsten didn’t have a girlfriend,” he lied, “What would you do, Gee?”

“Nothing…”

“Nothing?!” Otto was incredulous. How dare Geoff be _this_ stupid.

“I-I don’t know… I don’t want to lose my best friend, I… I don’t want to lose Awsten...” His voice was thick, Otto’s heart tugged. He didn’t think he could handle anymore Geoff Tears™. They were downright soul crushing.

“You know what I think?” Otto said, after a moment of letting Geoff breathe.

The guitarist opened his tired eyes, looking at his other best friend.

“I think we’ve been crammed in this van for too damn long, we need a day to get out and stretch our legs. I say, we’ve got a couple extra days before the show in Orlando, let’s stop somewhere tomorrow and just spend it outside hiking. Fresh air will do us all good.”

Geoff gave him a small smile and nodded. “Yeah, I like that idea.”

Otto patted Geoff’s knee before hoisting up self up and going off to bed. Geoff grabbed his headphones and went outside, sighing lightly in the warm night air. He climbed up the ladder of their towing trailer and sat on the roof, looking up at the sky. The stars were becoming more visible as the lights in the venue area went out for the night. He closed his eyes and hit play, letting Linkin park fill his ears and his thoughts.

It was hard… listening Chester sing after… Geoff swallowed and opened his eyes, taking in the millions of stars. His body was exhausted but his mind was still awake. Geoff hated so much that insomnia had such a firm grip on him. His heart panged listening to the pain he could hear in Chester’s voice. He wondered if Chester was up there, among the stars that shone down on him.

Geoff lied on his back, watching the night sky. Anxiety filled him as he fought the urge to cry. His insomnia made everything worse, but he wouldn’t dare let Otto or Awsten know. They didn’t need that burden thrust upon them. No, Geoff thought, no he could handle it alone. He began to worry at his lip, thinking about Awsten, wondering if Awsten was doing okay. The tour seemed to be wearing on his mental state, but he was refusing to talk to Geoff or Otto about it… Or at the very least, refusing to talk to Geoff about it. The thought made tears sting at Geoff’s blue eyes. He covered his face, wishing more than anything that Awsten would trust him and love him again.

“Geoff!”

Geoff startled, sitting up to see Alex clambering off the ladder and sitting down next to him, handing him a red plastic cup.

“Why’re you crying?” Alex tilted his head in concern.

Geoff just shook his head and took a sip of the frozen drink before pulling back and eyeballing it.

“What is this?”

“Gotta tell you, I’m not entirely sure, I trusted Zack and Jack with the drinks tonight and probably should not have.” Alex laughed, taking a gulp of it. “Tequila, definitely, I taste some orange juice and maybe like 5 other liquors.”

“Oh God.” Geoff laughed, but took a drink.

“Is everything okay? You know, outside of your not sleeping and definitely not crying.” Alex asked quietly. “I saw you upset in your trailer before the show… and I’ve noticed that something’s been going on for a few days…”

Geoff looked down in embarrassment. Shit. “Awsten’s just stupid sometimes, and makes me angry.”

“You cry when you’re angry?”

“Yeah,” He let out a weak chuckle, “It’s been something I haven’t been able to control since I was a kid.”

“Hm… well, what about Awsten? I mean, I know you know he was upset when he left the stage with Otto… And he’s been um… _bitchier_ lately.” Alex chuckled lightly.

“Relationship drama, I think,” He sighed into his cup, he felt like he was actually 100% in the dark about what Awsten’s problem was. “Stupid crap like that.”

“Are you sure that’s all it is?” Geoff really hated how insightful Alex could be.

“I... No… I’m not sure…. He won’t tell me, and neither will Otto…”Geoff swallowed around the lump in his throat. He took a deep breath trying to stay level.

“You like him.”

That came so far out of left-field that Geoff nearly toppled off the trailer.

“E-excuse me??” His blue eyes as wide as they would go, his face the color of a strawberry.

“Oh come on, don’t deny it.” Alex laughed. “It’s so obvious, except maybe to Awsten.”

“I-it’s obvious?” His heart sunk. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“You two hang all over each other, your stage-gay is more _physically_ suggestive than mine and Jack’s is--”

“That’s not true! You two talked about a blowjob tonight for godssake!” Geoff was sure he was going to pass out from all the blood rushing to his face.

“Yeah but uh, babe, _everyone_ saw the way Awsten pressed into you the other night. I mean shit, it even got me a little hot.”

“Fuck off!” Geoff’s voice had reached an unnaturally high pitch.

Alex laughed and patted his back. “I’m sorry to have thrown that at you, but you can always talk to me if you need to, I want you to know that. We’ve been to hell and back on this tour together, you guys will _always_ be our friends.”

Geoff took a gulp of the frozen concoction but smiled. “Thanks, Alex, that means a lot to me. A lot to us. We never imagined we’d be able to do something like this.”

Alex smiled and leaned back on his hands. “We’re all just a bunch of nerds who are sexually attracted to music.”

“Speaking of, is Jack ever going to give us our flag back?”

“More than likely not.” Alex chuckled.

Geoff pulled his knees to his chest, smiling up at the stars. “I hope we can do this again soon, these have been some of my best memories.”

“Enjoy your outbreak tour, see where it takes you, and remember that we will always be happy to take you guys on tour with us again.” Alex smiled wide at him.

They chatted for a little while longer before they heard a slurred call of “LeeeexiiiiI!” From the ATL bus, Alex shot up, saying his goodbyes with a huge grin and clambered down to go find Jack who was drunkenly/needily yelling for him.

Alone again, Geoff’s smile faltered. He looked back up at the stars, lying back and sighing.

“We’re going to be okay… right, Chester?” He mumbled, watching a star streak across the sky.

He certainly hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments give me life


	4. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insomnia is cruel. Cyclical insomnia is sent straight from the 10th circle of hell.

Dawn came, unwelcome to Geoff’s tired body as always. He had managed to catch maybe an hour of-can’t even justifiably call it _sleep-_ in total, but he was reaching the 90 hour mark of deprivation, why wouldn’t his mind just shut the fuck off and let him pass out? He was no longer safe to drive, hell, he was probably no longer safe to hold conversation. He blinked slowly at the brightening sky, wondering vaguely if he’d ever actually be able to genuinely enjoy a morning sunrise. Probably not. He sat up just as he heard someone climbing up the ladder. He looked over to see Awsten making his way up.

“Oh, you’re awake, I thought you’d’ve fallen asleep out here.” Awsten saw the red solo cup sitting on it’s side next to Geoff, a dim spark of jealousy lit in his stomach as he wondered if Jack was the deliverer of the cup. “Have a party, did ya?”

Geoff’s deprived and possibly disintegrating mind didn’t pick up on the sarcasm and stiffness of Awsten’s voice. “No, Alex brought me a drink and we chatted for a while. I just fell sleep up here listening to music.” He was lying, he knew that, but Awsten didn’t need to know that. He groaned rubbing the bridge of his nose. The worst part about the combination of drinking and insomnia is that you don’t get to sleep it off, you just get to feel the hangover develop and it’s the fucking _worst._

“What’d you guys talk about?” Awsten asked, sitting next to Geoff, letting his legs dangle over the side.

Geoff chewed on his bottom lip, he felt like shit, he was hungover, exhausted, and now his fucking anxiety was going to boil over, he knew it was, he could feel it. “We talked about our upcoming tour, and just some stupid stuff.” He looked at his phone, it was barely still charged, but it was still playing Linkin Park into Geoff’s headphones.

“Linkin Park?” Awsten asked, glancing at the screen. “You’ve been able to listen?”

Geoff slowly nodded, trying to stay focused. His brain was twenty different types of uncooperative right now. “Yeah I uh…” He trailed off, then suddenly looked at Awsten like he had just realized he was there. “Good morning.” Geoff smiled a bit of a sloppy smile, Awsten’s eyebrows furrowed, but he let out a chuckle.

“Good morning, weirdo. Come on, Otto wants Starbucks.” He stood and held out a hand, helping Geoff up. They climbed down the ladder, Awsten catching Geoff’s elbow as he missed the last rung and stumbled. “Jesus, are you still drunk?”

Geoff shook his head as they got back in their small excuse of a tour bus. “No, legs’r just asleep.” He mumbled. He knew in the back of his mind he’d have to take those shitty sleeping pills soon, he was beginning to lose coordination. He wondered when the hallucinations would start.

  
“Starbucks!” Otto howled from his place on the little couch as Geoff took the passenger chair, and Awsten took the driver’s seat, much to his surprise, as Geoff very rarely let him drive. They left the parking lot following the All Time Low and The Wrecks buses and vans to a nearby ‘Bucks, Otto whooping with sheer delight, like he hadn’t had coffee in years. As the three bands piled off the buses, Geoff could make out the baristas inside watching with disdain written across all their faces. It was 8am, ass early, and thirteen grown men were taking up their parking lot and making their way inside. Over 70% of them looked to be hungover to hell.

“What the fuck did you spike my drink with?” Geoff asked Jack, who looked more than surprised to hear Geoff swear so aggressively at him. Geoff felt bad, his lack of sleep left him with no filter and always gave his voice an edge that made him sound like an asshole.

“Don’ fuckin’ know, I drank an entire bottle’f tequila by myself las’ night, ‘m pretty sure ‘m dying.” Jesus, Jack was still fucking drunk. “Lexiiiiii.” He whined, catching up with Alex, who looked hungover as fuck, taking Jack’s sloppy embrace with a bit of stiffness. Geoff mumbled about never trusting Jack’s bartending skills as they made their way into the cool air of the coffee shop.

The baristas did their job efficiently, Geoff noticed one of them was looking at them closely, since she seemed the type-- band t-shirt on, electric blue hair, skinny jeans, the whole pop-punk shebang, he wondered when she’d figure it out and go apeshit on them. But she didn’t, they all received their drinks without much more than the occasional close glance from the girl as they were handed their drinks. Geoff sipped at his iced coffee when he noticed his name written on his cup. He looked at Awsten’s cup. His name was written on it too, correctly he might add. This wouldn’t be odd except for the fact that no one gave their names, shit, she didn’t even _ask_ for their names. He glanced back as they were leaving and she gave him a slight smirk and a wink before returning to whatever task she was doing.

Damn, he wished more fans were that chill.

“Hey weirdo, why are you getting on their bus?” Otto laughed, Geoff blinked and looked at the bus door he had opened, it was ATL’s, not Waterparks.

“O-Oh, sorry I…” He trailed off, the excuse dying on his tongue like most probably would for the next day or two.

“You want to fuck your best friend.” Otto’s face split into a malicious, almost demonic, grin, feigning disgust. “You want to fuck that blue haired asshole and you want him like it like the little slutty bitch you think he is.”

Geoff’s face flared red as he stared at Otto, still holding to door open. He shook his head, stammering a bit, looking back at Otto. “W-what did you say?”

Otto’s face was full of concern, not that horrible face Geoff had seen. “I said can you look up a place for us to hike on our way to Florida…. Geoff, are you okay? You look like you’re gonna cry.”

“I-I…” His blush hadn’t faded, he did feel like he wanted to cry. His hallucinations weren’t usually that tangible but he knew he was screwed if he was imagining his best friend saying something like that. “I-I’m just hungover, I-I need to lie down.” He didn’t even realize he was trying to make his way into the All Time Low bus until Otto pulled him off by the back of his shirt and guided him to the correct bus. “Sorry.” He muttered to no one in particular.

“Go lie down, Geoff, drink some water, okay?” Otto said, his voice laced with concern. Geoff could handle his liquor. One drink should not be doing this to him. He watched Geoff stumble over to the bathroom before sliding in the passenger seat.

“Is he alright?” Awsten asked, having watched Geoff squeeze himself into the small bathroom.

“He says he’s hungover, but this isn’t hungover Geoff.” Otto kept glancing at the bathroom door, hoping Geoff was cognizant enough to get himself out. “I wonder if he slept last night.”

“He said he did but… I guess with him not being in here we don’t know.”

Otto glanced at Awsten. “How many days do you think he’s on now?”

Awsten chewed on his lip. “If he didn’t sleep last night, I think it’s four…”

They were talking in whispers now, they knew Geoff had a sleeping problem, they knew Geoff had a sleeping problem that he refused to admit, and it made the two keep an eye on their guitarist.

“If he takes his pills now, he’ll probably sleep until we get to Florida.”

“Do you think he’ll take them? I haven’t seen him touch them since--”

Geoff made his way out of the bathroom the two looking at him with concern. Awsten thought by that look of disgust on the brunet’s face, he must’ve taken the sleeping pills. Geoff hated taking pills in general. All he wished for though, is that Geoff would admit he had horrendous cyclical insomnia, and maybe Awsten and Otto could actually find a way to help him sleep.

“You okay big guy?” Otto asked, watching Geoff struggle to climb up and into his bunk.

“Yeah, just tired.” Not a lie, he was fucking exhausted. He stopped his struggling and stared grumpily at his bunk that seemed too fucking high off the ground now. He pushed open the curtain to the bunk below his and climbed in, ignoring Awsten’s weak protest of ‘Hey!’ as Geoff made himself at home in Awsten’s bunk.

“Let him be.” Otto said, turning back to face the front of the bus. The other two touring vehicles had taken off, they had three days until the next show, so they weren’t in a rush to follow. They could take their time if they wanted. Awsten found some smash hits of the early 2000’s to listen to, after they got directions to a national park with hiking trails a few hours away. Otto and Awsten chatted about nothing of importance while they made their way back onto the highway, heading for open road.

In Awsten’s bunk, Geoff was waiting for the meds to take effect. He pulled the blankets over his head, curling around Awsten’s pillow. His mind wandered to the conversation with Alex last night, slightly surprised he remembered it. Not because he was drunk, but his short-term memory wasn’t always the best at the 90 hour mark. A wave of dull heaviness washed over him- thank God, the pills were finally working. He closed his eyes, pressing his face into the pillow that smelled like his best friend. He’d worry about getting over his crush another day.

“Do you think Geoff’s into Jack?” Awsten asked, breaking the silence that he and Otto had fallen into the last hour. Otto looked at him like he had two heads.

“You’re joking right?”

“I mean, I know they’re getting close and I know they talk a lot-- I mean, I heard him say something to Jack about Chester Bennington the other day.”

“Geoff’s been able to talk about him for a little while now without getting too upset. So why wouldn’t he talk about that with Jack?” He shrugged, looking back down at the book in his hands. The Martian. Good choice, Otto.

“I mean, he only talks about that deep shit with you and I…”

It took everything in Otto not to roll his eyes right out of his head.

“So, let me get this straight, you’re angry because you think Barakat is trying to steal your boyfriend.” Not a question, just a blatant statement. He was tired of Awsten being obtuse.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Awsten nearly shouted, almost taking the vehicle into a ditch. Otto shouldn’t have agreed to let him drive.

“Look dude, you might not want to be truthful as to _why_ you broke up with Ciara, but I’m not stupid. I’m over you two being emotional and stubborn for no fucking reason. I’ve got Alex, Aaron, Rian, Nick and Wes asking me what the hell is going on, and it’s frustrating not being able to give them a straight answer. Stop being stupid and do something about it, Awsten. Otherwise, someone like Barakat _is_ going to steal your boyfriend.” With that, he got up and shoved his headphones in his ear, climbing into his own bunk to leave Awsten to stew on his pearls of wisdom.

Awsten sighed and glanced in the rearview towards Geoff--well actually Awsten’s bunk. Maybe Otto was right, maybe he did just need to suck it up and risk...  well… everything. His throat felt tight and his chest hurt.

No, no fucking way would he risk losing Geoff over this.

A few hours later, Otto was at the wheel, pulling them into the the parking lot of the national forest Geoff’s phone was still navigating them to.

“Geoff? Hey.” Awsten got off the couch and knelt by his bunk, pushing back the curtain to see Geoff sleeping.

“Should we let him sleep?” Otto asked after turning off the engine.

“I’m awake.” Geoff grumbled, rolling out of Awsten’s bunk, standing up and rubbing his face.

“Did you sleep okay?” Awsten asked, some concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah, I did.” He gave Awsten a small tired smile before going to look for his tennis shoes. He sat on the couch and rubbed his eyes. He sighed before cracking his neck. He’d take the pills again tonight, he was too afraid to take more than half of one for a midday nap. But lying there with his eyes closed set him in a mildly unconscious state, still awake enough to know he was awake, but asleep enough to make everything around him just white noise. It wasn’t the ideal type of sleep, but at least he didn’t feel like he’d hallucinate Otto saying malicious things to him again.

They clambered out of the bus into the August heat, water bottles in hand as they all stretched and made their way to the trail head. No one was around, the three of them the only ones stupid enough to hike in the humid heat.

They chatted for a while, mostly about what could have possibly been in Jack and Zack concoction and how Otto should probably save himself and never accept a drink from the duo.

“Probably slipped you a mickey just for shits and giggles.” Otto grinned, winking at Geoff’s eyeroll.

‘ _I’d probably get a decent night’s sleep then.’_ Geoff thought to himself before saying, “Jack and Zack don’t need to drug me to get me to sleep with them.” He grinned, causing Otto to groan loudly in feigned disgust, Awsten laughed, but Geoff didn’t catch the choked-strained kind of laugh it was.

They continued talking and hiking, Geoff bringing up the barista who knew all their names but was super chill. Otto said it was because they were wildly famous and that all the baristas in all the land knew who they are.

Awsten darted off as they came to a clearing along the path. There was a huge old oak tree smack in the middle of the clearing, perfect for climbing.

“Don’t go too high, some of the top branches look dead!” Geoff called after them as Otto followed in equal excitement.

Awsten was already halfway up the tree when Otto shouted, “Dad said don’t go that high!!”

“Be careful, Awsten!” Geoff shouted, looking up to see Awsten sitting on a branch, swinging his legs, grinning widely. He looked around, hoping to find some flowers, but was just met with overgrown grass.

“I’m going to go up the path a little bit more, please be careful, okay?”

“Don’t get eaten, Dad!” Otto shouted to Geoff’s retreating back, before Awsten threw a pinecone at him. “Hey! What was that for?”

“Don’t call him dad, it’s weird!” Awsten grinned, another pinecone in hand, aimed right at Otto’s head.

“Get your daddy kink under control, Knight! Ow!” He was hit on the forehead as the furiously blushing singer pelted him with the cone.

Geoff rolled his eyes making his way up the path, not registering the tell-tale drop in temperature of the wind as he walked. He found a field of flowers and sat in the center, picking a few that brushed his knees. He didn't remember curling up on his side, he didn’t remember finally falling asleep. All he knew next was a roaring sound that ripped him back into the conscious world. His heart jumping into his throat as he heard a desperate, distant scream of his own name mixed with another roar meant to deafen him.

Thunder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: Geoff's insomnia is a direct reflection of my own cyclical insomnia. I have sometimes get hallucinations and they are fucking terrifying. Everyone experiences this issue differently, please consider that as you read.
> 
>  
> 
> Again, your comments give me life.


	5. Limerence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irrational fears make you do things, see things, and hear things that are, well, irrational.
> 
> At least, that's what Awsten is blaming it on.

“Where is he?” Geoff panted, running down the path with Otto in tow.

“In the bus-ah!” Their ears were assaulted by a roaring clap of thunder as the sky quickly darkened with the impending storm.

“Shit, shit, shit, Awsten!” Geoff yelled as the bus came into view, it felt like the faster he ran, the farther the bus was from him. The farther Awsten was from him.

Finally, they reached the bus door, wrenching it open and scrambling inside as the heavens opened with another startling crack. Otto went for the driver’s seat, Geoff went for Awsten’s bunk.

“Get us the hell out of here!” Geoff yelled over the thunder, jerking a bit as Otto slammed the vehicle into drive, flying them down the highway, trying to outrun the monstrous storm that was chasing them. Geoff pulled back the curtain of Awsten’s bunk, his heart breaking as he saw the singer curled tightly in on himself, hands gripping his head as he tried to push his headphones firmly over his ears, trying to block out the noise. He was shaking… he was crying.

“Find something, anything!” Geoff shouted at Otto while he clambered into the small space, pulling Awsten close to him. The blue haired boy clutched to Geoff’s striped shirt, jumping when a crack of thunder warned that the storm was gaining on them. “Otto!” Geoff yelled again, urging their drummer to drive faster.

“I'm going fuckin’ 90, I can't outrun a storm, it's going to get dangerous!!” Otto shouted back, white knuckling the steering wheel.

“It’s okay, Aws, It’s okay, I’m here--” Geoff held him tighter as a roar of thunder drowned out every noise, signaling they were being taken over by the storm. The bus slowed significantly, between thunder claps, Geoff could her Otto swearing colorfully about the blinding sheet of rain. Awsten had his face pressed into Geoff’s chest his shoulders shook as he cried silently. Geoff’s heart broke more hearing the slightest whimper as a far too long string of thunder assaulted over their vehicle.

“I’m here, Awsten, I’m here, I swear to you I’m not going anywhere.” Geoff tried to soothe, but it didn’t seem to be working as Awsten jumped with every thunder roll. “I’m not, I promise, I--” Then he noticed how loudly Awsten was playing music through his headphones. He could easily make out Sum 41 blaring into the Awsten’s skull. He wondered if his words were even reaching him. “Aws?” He tested lightly, Awsten didn’t react, just pressing his face into Geoff’s chest, a vice grip still on his striped shirt.

A flash of lightning assaulted them, so Geoff closed the bunk curtain, he could feel Awsten relax slightly in the darkness. His neck was crooked awkwardly to keep from banging against the bunk above them, it was starting to shoot some uncomfortable pain down his back so he adjusted, laying them down, keeping a firm hold on Awsten, as it was the only option to keep them both in the bunk. Awsten didn’t seem to mind, keeping his grip on Geoff’s shirt, scooting closer to keep his eyes hidden in Geoff’s broad chest.

Geoff felt the bus slow to a stop, he blinked when Otto pulled back the curtain a bit. Otto couldn’t help but grin at the two tangled together.

“Why’d we stop?” Geoff asked, another crash of thunder had Awsten shivering a bit.

“Highway’s starting to flood, I pulled us over at a weigh station.” He handed Geoff his phone. “I couldn’t figure out how to pull up the weather app, but Jack texted you saying the stretch of highway we were about to hit was badly flooded.” Otto stretched, popping his back. “I’m gonna take a nap, you good to take the wheel when the storm stops?”

Geoff nodded, his arm tightening around Awsten when more thunder roared. Otto chuckled a bit, winking knowingly at Geoff before clambering into his bunk. Geoff closed the bunk curtain again, turning a but on his side, keeping his arms around the singer.

“Aws?” Geoff tried again, a little louder. The singer didn’t react, ‘Fat Lip’ playing through his headphones. Geoff relaxed and sighed, pressing his face into Awsten’s fading blue hair. “Jesus, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I’m so fucking worried about you.” His voice was barely a whisper, he held the other just a bit tighter. “I’m so scared I’m losing you, Awsten… It’s breaking my heart and I just… I-I can’t handle the thought of it…” He kept himself from crying, knowing that Awsten needed him to be strong right now. The thunder outside made the bus vibrate as they now slowly made their way down the empty highway in the summer storm. “I miss you, Aws, I miss you so much…” Geoff mumbled into Awsten’s hair.

They stayed in the dark bunk as the storm raged outside. Awsten’s body heat, the rhythmic pounding of rain against the bus, the subtle music of Sum 41, Geoff was surprised as his eyes grew heavy, heavier than--what he liked to call- a white noise nap. He sighed drowsily, pulling Awsten closer in his arms.

“Sometimes when I get to hold you…” He mumbled, half way into unconsciousness, “I never want to let you go…” He breathed, everything was white noise. “I’d never let you go…” He slipped under, not for a second fighting the sleep that _finally_ weighed him down.

Awsten had his eyes open, staring directly at Geoff’s face. Geoff had partially knocked off Awsten’s headphones when Geoff had pulled him closer before falling asleep.

Surely… _surely_ he hadn’t heard him correctly.

He kept staring at the now sleeping Geoff, the thunder crashed above them, but he barely heard it.

Oh, God.

He hadn’t heard him correctly. That could be the only explanation. Awsten was still staring at that sleeping face, the face that looked so peaceful. Awsten felt his chest warm as he scooted closer, managing to tuck his head under Geoff’s chin. He hadn’t heard Geoff correctly. He hadn’t.

Right?

Awsten closed his eyes, the storm not even in his mind anymore. All he could hear were Geoff’s words, his brain trying to decipher what he had actually heard. But his brain was convinced he _had_ heard correctly. But that couldn’t be right.

_Right?_

The storm raged for hours. Awsten fell asleep in Geoff’s arms, Geoff was in a dead sleep; being awake for four days will do that to you. In fact, Geoff slept so hard and for so long, he didn’t feel Awsten crawl over him once the storm had quit to a gentle patter. He didn’t feel the bus kick back into gear, he didn’t hear Otto hit the bus floor with a gentle _thunk_ as he made his way to the passenger seat. Geoff was so far gone, he just dreamt of orange groves that served fruity pebbles. The first dream he had in months.

“You okay?” Otto yawned, sliding into his seat. “You looked stressed.”

“I um…” Awsten’s hands flexed on the steering wheel while they made their way down the road. “O-Otto I…” He bit his bottom lip, his voice quivering just a bit.

“Hey, hey, is it the storm? Are you still--”

“I-it’s Geoff…” Awsten breathed out, his chest was so fucking tight.

“Geoff? What about him, is he okay?” Otto glanced back towards Awsten’s bunk where Geoff was still asleep.

“I can’t deal with what I’m feeling for him anymore- I-I… He said he was afraid of losing me, how could he think that?? I would never ever--” His breath hitched, his hands shaking.

“Awsten, pull over. Dude, I’m serious, pull over right now.” Otto gripped his seat, seeing Awsten slip into the fog. Luckily, the blue haired singer was afloat enough to nod and gently stop on the side of the road. Otto helped Awsten out of the driver’s seat and to their little lounge couch. He sat down next to signer as Awsten struggled to even out his breathing.

“Does he hate me? A-am I that terrible of a friend that he would think h-he’s losing me?” Awsten’s voice was barely a whisper, his twisted his fingers to the point that Otto had to pull his hands apart.

“He’s worried about you, we both are.”

“H-he says he misses me-- what does that mean? I-I’m right here!”

“Hey, try to keep quiet, Aws, he’s finally sleeping.” Otto sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “You need to talk to Geoff. About everything. Ciara, him, your anxiety--”

“He doesn’t need that stress added to him…” Awsten looked down, pulling his sweater over his hands, chewing on his bottom lip. “I don’t know… what to do…”

Otto watched Awsten for a moment in silence, trying to decide what would be the best route. Go high school and spill everything-- ‘ _omg, Awsie, Geoff has a crush on you too, isn’t that the bees knees??’--_ or just let these two figure it out. He sighed lightly and leaned over, picking up Geoff’s acoustic guitar. Let them figure it out. It was the lesser of two evils.

Awsten calmed down enough to take the wheel again, staring blankly at the open road as they drove, not hearing the annoying little tune Otto was repeating on Geoff’s guitar. He was so lost in thought, his anxieties spewing some words at him that he was going to file away for later-- hey, at least anxiety and depression can crank out some bomb-ass songs-- he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder as Geoff slid into the passenger seat.

“Hey, you okay? Did you sleep through the storm?” Geoff said, his blue eyes still exhausted, but filled with concern about his best blue-haired friend.

Awsten nodded, flexing his fingers on the steering wheel again. “Yeah, thanks… and uh… thanks.” A bit of pink settled on his cheeks.

Geoff smiled and leaned back in the chair, taking Awsten’s phone to pull up his spotify and find some tunes for the trip. “You know I don’t mind, Aws, I’m just sorry we got caught there in the first place. If we hadn’t stopped for the hike, we would’ve missed the worst of it.”

Awsten shrugged a bit, feeling himself relax. “We all needed to get out of the van. And uh… I-it still means a lot to me that you helped… I know you haven’t had to since Ciara…” He trailed off, his heart squeezing sadly, the break up still fresh in his mind.

Geoff was quiet as he surveyed Awsten’s expression. “You really miss her, huh?” His voice was quiet, looking down at his fingers as Awsten stole  glance at him. “Well, we’ll be back home after this show, are you going to go out to LA to see her?”

Awsten was silent, he didn’t feel like he could come up with a proper lie, so he just shrugged.

“What are we talking about?” Otto asked loudly, unable to have heard their whispered conversation. He didn’t feel left out, but he did feel that the mood needed to be lifted. He plucked at Geoff’s guitar, still playing that annoying song on loop.

“We’re talking about kicking you out of the band if you keep that up.” Awsten shot over his shoulder, the plucking twang of the strings starting to grind his nerves.

“Whaaaaat, that’s so dramatic Awsten.” Otto said, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face as he managed to play louder.

“That’s it! You’re out of the band!” A small grin was starting to work its way onto Awsten’s face.

Otto let out a dramatic gasp. “Geeeeoooffff!” He whined loudly, still playing that damned song. “Tell Awsten to let me back in the band!”

“I dunno, Otto, I think my hands are tied with this one.” Geoff was grinning now too.

“But! Who’s gonna be your drummer for the show in two days!” He wailed, _still_ fucking plucking the guitar.

Awsten sighed loudly and tapped his chin in faux contemplation.

“He’s right, Aws.” Geoff said with a fake defeated expression.

“Fiiiiiiiiiine.” Awsten groaned, before all three of them burst into laughter.

Geoff’s smile was wide a bright, brighter than Awsten had seen it in a while. He had to remember he was still driving otherwise he would have crashed the bus falling in love with Geoff’s smile all over again. He jumped and ripped his eyes away from his best friend to the road, hoping neither of them would notice how red his face went. He certainly didn’t use the word _love_ to describe his fondness for Geoff.

Nope, not at all.

Not love.

Nope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments give me life
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> i've got a goal to update for every 100 views, seems to be working pretty well in my opinion.
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> has anyone caught on to my chapter name game yet


	6. Aversion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awsten begins to question just how close Geoff and Jack really are.

“I swear to God, Otto, if you keep that up, I’m pulling us over at the nearest tattoo place, I’ll fucking hold you down while they pierce your dick!” Awsten shouted at their drummer who had gotten his hands on Geoff’s guitar _again_ and was being an annoying prick on purpose. Otto laughed loudly before winking at the singer.

“I didn’t know you were so kinky, Awsie-poo, you gotta buy my dinner first!”

Awsten tried to take a leap at his best friend, but Geoff’s stern voice stopped him.

“Hey! No roaming the bus at highway speeds!” Geoff was at the wheel now, he and Awsten had switched when they hit the Florida border, with loud hollering, prompting Otto to yell at them for being obnoxious morons.

Otto grinned, sticking his tongue out at Awsten. “Dad yelled at you!” He cackled, all the while plucking Geoff’s guitar.

“Otto, quick doing that! You’re gonna break a string!” Geoff snapped at him, the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

Otto pouted but put the guitar down, Awsten grinning wickedly at Otto this time. “Ha ha, you got in trouble!” He sing-taunted. Geoff rolled his eyes but smiled. His best friends were ridiculous sometimes--okay, all times. He shook his head, focusing on the road once more, his eyebrows rose seeing a familiar van come into to view.

“It’s The Wrecks, wow, they’re really behind. Text Nick, see what kept them.” He gestured to his phone that was resting on the console.

Awsten leaned forward, easily unlocking it-- Geoff’s password was Awsten’s birthday, something he and Otto had both relentlessly teased the guitarist about. Awsten found Nick Anderson’s contact in Geoff’s phone, ignoring the small rumble of jealousy he felt seeing Jack’s name with a little black heart next to it. Geoff used emojis in all his contacts, Awsten’s was his name along with a pair of sunglasses. Otto’s was his name along with a gold star.

 _‘What’s up buttercup? We’re behind you.’_ sent at 7:47pm.

 _‘Got caught in the storm, ATL isn’t far ahead of us, we had to stop at some hole-in-the-wall bar. Sketchy as F U C K.’_ recieved at 7:49pm.

Awsten relayed the message, dinking around on Geoff’s phone, taking selfies, taking pictures of the highway, taking pictures of Otto, taking pictures of Geoff-- just generally trying to fill up Geoff’s storage in any way he can. He paused for a moment when Geoff received a text from Jack.

“Who’s that?” Geoff asked, having heard the text jingle.

“Jack.” Awsten shrugged, not opening it, not particularly wanting to see Geoff’s and Jack’s conversations.

“Well, what did he say?” Geoff asked with a bit of a laugh, wondering why Awsten wasn’t reading the text to him.

Awsten grit his teeth a bit and opened the message app. “Jack says, ‘Hey babe, we’re stopping at an Irish Pub for dinner, you guys want to join?’” Awsten’s grip tightened a bit on Geoff’s phone. He did _not_ like Jack calling Geoff _babe._

“Hmm, what do you guys think?” Geoff asked to Awsten and Otto.

“I could go for a beer.”

Awsten shrugged, turning off Geoff’s phone and looking out the window. Geoff glanced at him, then back out the window.

“I don’t know, I’m not feeling heavy food like that. Wanna keep on for a little while and see if we find anything else?”

“Yeah, I’m good with that.” Otto said, not really caring, he was easy like that, Geoff appreciated him for it.

“Okay.” Was all Awsten said, he was difficult like that, Geoff sometimes got frustrated with him for it.

Otto was watching Awsten closely, he, unlike Geoff, had picked up on how unwilling Awsten was to read Jack’s message. So, in true Otto form, he darted off the couch and snatched Geoff’s phone out of Awsten’s hands.

“Hey!” Awsten barked, ready to leap after Otto, but was stopped by Geoff’s stern look.

“I’ve told you idiots to not roam the bus at highway speeds! It’s too dangerous!”

“Sorry Dad!” Otto shouted back with a grin as Awsten glowered at him. Otto ignored the expletives Awsten was hissing at him, unlocked Geoff’s phone and went straight for the message app. He adjusted his shoulders like he was about to write the Great American Novel™, and clicked on Jack’s name. He glanced at Awsten and Geoff who were arguing about Geoff’s no-roaming rule, before smirking and starting to type.

Time to fuck some shit up.

‘ _Dearest Jack, your beautiful black and blue hair reminds of the desperate night sky that I so longingly look up to as I long to see your eyes gaze back at me.’_ Sent at 7:20pm.

Otto wanted to gag, that was cheesiest shit he’d ever typed.

“Who are you texting?” Geoff asked, glancing back at Otto.

“Jack.” Otto said truthfully.

“Oh, tell him we’re going to keep on.” He said, not caring that Otto had his phone in the least. He could trust Otto. Sure.

The phone vibrated in Otto’s hands, he almost gagged reading the message.

“What?” Geoff asked with a chuckle, noticing Otto’s face.

“Jack wants to fuckin’ bone you dude.” Otto said, glancing at Awsten, whose jaw had suddenly set rigid, and his multicolored eyes turned venomous.

“What?” Geoff laughed louder, not believing it for a second.

“I ain’t reading this shit out loud, but Jack wants to do the dirty with you.” Otto tried to avert his eyes from the message, but was forced to read the whole thing as he typed a response.

 _‘Well then sweet cheeks, when we get to Florida come see me in my room. Those long legs will look fantastic wrapped around me.’_ Received at 7:32pm.

Otto paused for a moment mid type to see the grey bubble pop up on Jack’s end.

 _‘Just kidding.’_ Received at 7:33pm.

Dammit, Otto just had crafted the perfect response to egg this little exchange on and get Awsten really fucking jealous. He thought of a new response when that grey bubble popped up again.

 _‘Your legs would be over your head. That’s a guarantee.’_ Received at 7:33pm.

Otto felt even his cheeks turn pink, holy _shit_ , Jack.

“What else is he saying?” Geoff grinned seeing Otto’s flushed expression.

“Something dirty about your legs. You disgust me, Geoff Wigington!” Otto wailed dramatically.

Geoff let out a laugh. “I bet it’s not even Jack! He’s probably still hungover to hell, did you see how he was still drunk this morning?”

Awsten chewed on his bottom lip, watching Geoff laugh. The green monster raged in him. Could Geoff seriously not see that it wasn’t out of the realm of reality that Jack would want to fuck him? Hell, Jack and Geoff were about as straight as wet noodles and were both very attractive men. Awsten looked down at his hands, his surge of jealousy began to mix with anxiety. Had… had Geoff and Jack already hooked up? Was that a true possibility?

Otto watched Awsten before finally replying to Jack’s mildly dirty texts.

 _‘U r rly good @ making Aws jealous.’_ Sent at 7:43pm.

The grey bubble popped up, disappeared for a minute, then popped up again.

 _‘Uh…. Geoff?’_ Received at 7:45pm. The sender must have noticed the change of texting styles. Otto wasn’t good with the touch screens, so he always reverted to shorthand. Something Geoff didn’t do. The guitarist was known in their little touring circle for having annoyingly proper grammar while texting.

 _‘Nope otto. Gotta say dude u 2 r gross.’_ Sent at 7:46pm.

The phone in his hands vibrated less than thirty seconds later, Otto’s smirk turned into a full devious grin.

 _‘Thank god, it’s Zack, listen buddy, it’s been me sending the messages, Rian and I have devised a plan. I think we’re in the same boat if our observations are correct, and we’re sick of watching Lex and Jack be idiots. Delete these messages and I’ll send you the details.’_ Received at 7:46pm.

Less than a minute later, Otto’s phone was vibrating in his hoodie pocket. He managed to delete the messages off of Geoff’s phone, leaving behind the only mildly dirty ones from “Jack.” He handed the phone to Awsten before standing up-- again to Geoff’s loud objections-- and announcing he was going to take a nap.

“Wake me when it’s my turn to drive.”

“Wh-- your turn’s gonna be in like, an hour, you’re seriously gonna nap?” Geoff asked, a bit incredulous, a bit jealous. How nice it must be to get a peaceful nap that easily.

Otto clambered into his bunk and pulled out his phone, reading the messages in the dark. Each message made him grin wider and wider, by the time he was done reading Zack’s messages, he was shaking with silently laughter. He managed to respond:

 _‘I’m so fucking game.’_ sent at 7:59pm.

Up front, Geoff could still feel that was something bugging Awsten, but he assumed it was Ciara not being with them anymore, so he tried to lift Awsten’s spirits.

“We’re going to Disney tomorrow, I’m so fuckin’ stoked.”

It worked, Awsten perked right up. “Dude, me too! I want to go on the Lilo and Stitch ride so badly!”

“Me too, and Splash mountain-- Oh, and of _course_ the Haunted Mansion!”

“Fuck yes! I want some dole whip too-- whatever the fuck that might be.” Awsten was grinning now, Geoff’s chest warmed seeing that smile. He had missed it so much.

“And of course Otto will want to go to the Star Wars ride.”

“Ahhh, I’m so fuckin’ stoked.” Awsten was nearly giddy with excitement. “I’m gonna buy the shit out of some Mickey Ears.”

Geoff smiled wide. “What kind, the classic ones, or character ones?”

Awsten tapped his chin. “I think classic ones, dude. Unless they have--- Dude! I’m buying some Alice in Wonderland ones for you! Do you think they have those?? Do you think they have Star Wars ones for Otto??”

Geoff laughed, seeing his best friend so excited always made him happy and forget his worries, like not having properly slept for more than three hours in the last four days. Geoff shifted in his chair, ignoring the fuzz behind his eyes, and the ache in his lower back. Come on, Geoff, you can make it another 30 minutes.

“You okay?” Awsten asked, noticing Geoff’s sudden shift.

“Hm? Yeah, of course, my back’s just bugging me a bit.” Geoff nodded a little jerkily, trying to make the fuzz go away. “I’m so excited for the Haunted Mansion, I want to get so much Nightmare gear while we’re there-- Jack said that’s the first place the guys were going to hit.”

“Stop talking about Jack!” Awsten’s voice boomed in Geoff’s ears, making him startle. He looked at Awsten, his heart sinking seeing a demonic snarl, Awsten’s eyes turning an inhuman shade of black. “I don’t want to hear about you fucking him, I want you to tell me how you’d fuck me, and I want you to fuck me until you forgot that asshole’s name! I’m important, not him!”

“A-Aws--” Geoff’s hands were shaking, tears stung at his eyes. “Y-You are important, you’re so important to me--”

“Geoff?! GEOFF!” Awsten leaped at the wheel, jerking out of Geoff’s hands, the guitarist’s eyes were rolled in the back of his head and he was muttering nonsense as tears started to drip down his cheeks. “Otto! Fucking help me!” Awsten shouted, trying to kick Geoff’s limp foot off the gas pedal. Otto scrambled out of his bunk, managed to swing the driver’s chair around, unbuckle Geoff and haul him out of the chair as a petrified Awsten took the helm to pull them over safely to the side of the road.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, is he alright??” Awsten asked from the chair, the entire ordeal had turned his legs to jelly, he was so frightened he didn’t think he had the strength to walk over to where Geoff was lying on the floor.

“Geoff?” Otto was leaning over the other’s face, patting his cheek. “Come on buddy, come back to us.” Awsten reached for his phone to call an ambulance when Geoff sat up, blinking at them both, a bit confused.

“What? What happened?”

“You fucking asshole!” Awsten dropped Geoff’s phone, leaping at him, hugging him tight. “Don’t you ever fucking scare me like that again!”

“What?” Geoff asked, patting Awsten’s back. “What happened?”

“You almost killed us all, but that’s not important, are you okay? It looked like you were having a seizure.” Otto asked, just as scared as Awsten was.

“I… The last thing I remember is Awsten saying--” He froze, glancing down at Awsten, who had his eyes pressed into Geoff’s shoulders. “Did I pass out or something?”

“Must have, I think we should get you to a hospital, I’m still not sure you didn’t have a seizure--”

“No, no I’m fine, can you drive, though?”

“After that, you’re not driving us for a long ass time.” Otto eyed him warily before standing up and taking the wheel.

“Awsten, I’m okay, I’m sorry for scaring you--”

“Shut up!” Awsten snapped, leaning back, keeping his hands on Geoff’s shoulders to look into those tired blue eyes. “You’re not okay! You just passed the fuck out at the wheel, Geoff, you need to take your pills--yes I know all about the pills.” Geoff’s eyes had gone wide, Awsten tried to ignore the pang in his heart as those blue crystals started to tear up. “You need to take care of yourself Geoff, I can’t--” His voice caught feeling a hard lump form in his throat. “I can’t do this without you.” He muttered before leaning back in to hug Geoff tight. His shoulders were still shaking from fright. “You have to take care of yourself, Geoff, you have to.”

Tears spilled from Geoff’s eyes as he buried his face into Awsten’s faded blue hair. “I’ll try, Aws…”

“Swear it, asshole.” Awsten muttered into Geoff’s shoulder. Geoff tightened his arms around Awsten.

“I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to the entire Imagine Dragons discography while writing this chapter. I also procrastinated all day by just taking pictures of my dogs.
> 
> comments are vitamins that keep me going


	7. Nervousness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff can't stay afloat anymore, but he refuses to tell Awsten and Otto.
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> mild tw: implied self harm.

Awsten looked up  as Geoff came out of the bathroom, blinking the exhaustion out of his multicolored eyes.

“Did you take them?”

Geoff nodded taking a seat next to Awsten on the small couch, he started picking at his lip, Awsten swatted his hand away, trying to get a good look at his face.

“... Don’t cry…” He mumbled sadly, noticing Geoff’s blue eyes were swimming with undropped tears. “Please? It’ll be okay, I promise…”

“I hate these pills, Aws, they fuck me up so badly… I’m afraid I won’t be right for our show on Friday…”

“Then we’ll bow out.” Awsten said firmly, if the stress of a show was going to keep Geoff from sleeping, then they’d skip it. 

“No, we are not doing that. Not because of me.” Geoff started twisting his fingers.

“You promised to take care of yourself.” Awsten muttered, leaning in, resting his cheek against Geoff’s shoulder; he was exhausted. The last two hour had drained everything out of him. “Let’s skip Disney tomorrow so you can sleep.”

“No, Aws, you guys go, you’re so excited for it.” Geoff muttered, looking at his fingers. Anxiety was rising in him, the dark thoughts telling him he was ruining everything. “I’ll stay at the hotel and sleep.” ‘ _ You won’t even notice I’m gone.’ _ The thoughts were cruel. Almost as cruel as the hallucinations. He swallowed around the hard lump in his throat. Awsten and Otto didn’t know how badly his anxiety had gotten, he could tell it was triggering his old depression, something he hadn’t had to fight for a few years. But, he needed to be strong for Awsten. ‘ _ He doesn’t need a weakling like me.’  _

Awsten’s eyes were closed against Geoff’s shoulder, his breathing was evening out. Geoff didn’t need to wake him, it was important that Awsten got his rest. They were only 15 minutes from the hotel, he could fight off the pill effects until they were in the hotel room.

“Geoff, wake up.” Otto was shaking him and Awsten. “Come on, bud, let’s get you up to a real bed.”

Geoff nodded groggily, trying to think of when he fell asleep. Awsten stood and stretched, holding out a hand to help up his guitarist. The sleeping pills rendered him useless, so Otto carried his bag as well as Geoff’s. Awsten slipped an arm around Geoff’s waist, carefully guiding him off the bus and into the hotel lobby. Otto checked them in, ignoring the pointedly confused glance the attendant was throwing over his shoulder, eyeing Awsten and Geoff who were clinging to each other.

“Alright, Geoff, just to the elevator and then to the room, can you get there?” Otto asked, coming back to them with their room keys, watching Geoff with concern.

Geoff nodded, his half awake brain was drugged with anxiety, he wanted to cry, apologize for being such a burden. He gripped Awsten’s shoulder with his hands as they wobbily made their way to the elevator. ‘ _ This is so stupid, you’re such a worthless piece of shit.’ _ Thoughts started to swirl in the fog, he felt his nose start to sting, but swore to himself he wouldn’t cry in front of Awsten.

When they finally managed to get into the hotel room, Geoff shakily let go of Awsten and took his bag from Otto, turning towards the bathroom.

“Geoff, where ya goin’ buddy?” Otto asked, trying to steer Geoff towards the bed, the one place he actually needed to be.

“Wanna shower first.” He mumbled, slowly making his way into the bathroom.

“Don’t lock the door, if you pass out in the shower we need to be able to get to you.” Awsten said quietly, he was wringing his fingers, wishing Geoff would just give in and go to sleep. Geoff nodded before closing the door behind him. He tossed his bag to the floor, starting a hot shower and stripped down, immediately sinking to the tub floor when he stepped under the hot stream.

‘ _ Fuck, fuck, fuck--’ _ The burning tears finally spilled over as he curled in on himself. It was too much, Awsten, touring, coordinating the next tour, the insomnia, the pills, the anxiety. Everything hurt, everything was sore. Why couldn’t he just sleep? Why couldn’t his heart just give up on Awsten? Why did he have to be in love with his best friend? Why did he have to be in love with his best friend who had a  _ girlfriend, for god's sake. _

His breathing was shallow, he felt like he was suffocating in the shower steam, but wouldn’t dare turn it off. He was scared of making too much noise, he was scared of Otto and Awsten finding him like this. They didn’t need someone who couldn’t control their emotions. Awsten didn’t need someone like him. Awsten wouldn’t love someone like him.

Geoff gripped his soaked hair, gritting his teeth, trying valiantly to banish the dark thoughts, trying to calm himself, trying to do his breathing routine, but it wasn’t working. Nothing was working.

‘ _ You know what works, you pussy. Just fucking do it and you’ll stop crying.’ _

He opened his tired eyes, everything in him was turning numb. He knew what would work. The evidence would be gone by morning. He wrapped his arms around himself, nails reaching for his shoulder blades.   
  


“Do you think he’s okay? Besides the insomnia?” Awsten asked Otto, sitting on the edge of the bed, his foot was bouncing, he was extremely worried about Geoff. “He’s had… a vibe about him lately.”

“I know what you mean…” Otto replied quietly, glancing towards the bathroom door. They had agreed if Geoff wasn’t out in 15 minutes, they’d go in and get him. “He’s like you though, if he wants to talk about it, he will…”

Awsten looked at the bathroom door, chewing on his bottom lip. “I wish he would… I’m scared for him, Otto, he lives off of caffeine and fast food, I wish…” Awsten looked down at his fingers, twisting the silver ring around his finger. “I wish he’d take care of himself... I wish he trusted me…” He muttered almost silently, more to himself than to Otto.

“Hey, we’ll figure this out, Aws. We’ll get him help if we have to…”

Awsten looked up at Otto with a bit of disbelief on his face. “You do remember how hard it was for you two to convince  _ me _ to get help, right? What makes you think Geoff’s gonna be any easier, if anything, he’s more closed off about that stuff than I am. I can never get a good read on him anymore…”

“It’s a conversation we’ll have to have after tour. Right now, we just need to get him through the next couple days, okay?”

Awsten nodded, trying to fight the bite in his nose and burn in his eyes. “I’m so worried about him, Otto.” His voice was barely a whisper. Otto got up, sitting next to him and rubbed his back.

“Breathe, Aws, come on, it’ll be okay. We’ll take care of him.”

Geoff came out of the bathroom a minute later, looking exhausted, his hair barely properly toweled off, he was in pajama pants and a hoodie. He set his bag by the dresser before looking at his two friend, giving them a small exhausted smile. Otto stood and gestured to the bed open next to Awsten.

“Sleep, now.” The drummer ordered, trying to sound bossy. Geoff patted his shoulder before climbing into bed without a word and was almost out by the time his head hit the pillow. Awsten watched him for a moment, his dark eyebrows pulling together under his faded blue fringe.

‘ _ Please be okay… _ ’ Awsten thought, watching Geoff quickly relax, sinking into sleep. Awsten got up and changed into his sleepwear, brushed his teeth and climbed into the bed beside his sleeping best friend. Once Otto was ready for bed, the drummer snapped off the lights, leaving Awsten to look at Geoff’s subtle silhouette in the dark. He squeezed his eyes shut feeling the tears burn at his eyes.  _ ‘Please…’ _   
  


“Aws, wake up.” Otto shook Awsten awake who was sleeping with his cheek on Geoff’s shoulder, the guitarist was still deep asleep. “Room service will be here soon, the guys are going to head to Disney in about two hours.”

“‘Mm stayin’ with Geoff.” Awsten mumbled, not opening his eyes, shuffling just a bit closer to Geoff.

“You sure? He told us to go, though.”

“Not leaving him alone.” He breathed, shielding his eyes from the morning sun that was streaming in from the cracked curtains. Geoff stirred under him so he sat up a bit, worried they had woken the insomniatic guitarist. His heart sank a bit, seeing those blue eyes blink awake.

Geoff yawned and stretched, slowly sitting up and ruffling his wild bed hair. He smiled sleepily at Awsten before rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Go back to sleep, Geoff, Otto was just letting me know he was going to meet up with the guys.” Awsten spoke quietly, afraid any loud noises would prevent Geoff from going back to bed. Geoff blinked a bit blearily at Awsten, of course he had to be fucking adorable in the morning. Awsten forcibly pushed back the blush that was trying to settle on his cheeks.

“You’re going too, Aws, remember?” He said, yawning again. “I need some coffee.” He muttered, rubbing his entire face before scanning the room for caffeine.

“No, you need water, a proper breakfast, and sleep.” Awsten said, trying to make his voice quiet and as stern as possible. If Geoff could parent him, then hell, he’d parent Geoff too. “And I’m not gonna leave you alone in a hotel room all day, you’ll go stir crazy, I know you.”

Geoff let out a small chuckle. Awsten was right, even if he was alone to sleep all day, he would go stir crazy.

“Then I guess I’m going to Disney with you.” Geoff smiled, still tired, but the eight hours he had gotten, thanks to the pills, made him feel much better than he had the last four to five sleepless days.

“No, Geoff, you’re staying here and getting more rest.”

“Aws, I promise, I’ll take the pills again tonight. I might come back early to get a longer but I want to go to the Magic Kingdom.” He smiled again, reaching over and patting his worried band mate’s shoulder. “What’s for breakfast?” He looked to Otto trying to bypass any further arguments with Awsten.

“For you, water, eggs, bacon, a waffle, fruit, and toast.” Otto said, walking over to the little coffee maker in their room. Geoff eyed it, wanting a cup of the strong liquid, but he knew Awsten would throw a fit if he even tried to get a soda out of a vending machine right now.

“Did you get Awsten his pancakes?” Geoff asked, stretching once more, looking more awake by the minute. Awsten, again, had to bite back a bit of pink that threatened his cheeks. Geoff knew him so well.

“Of course, this isn’t my first rodeo.” Otto said, making a face as he sipped the black coffee. “Hotel coffee sucks so bad.”

“IT’s that instant crap that’s probably more crack than coffee.” Geoff chuckled before clambering out of bed, grabbing his bag to go get dressed. Awsten watched before glancing to Otto.

“See? He’s already feeling better.” Otto said with a smile, trying to soothe the still nervous expression on the singer’s face. “By the way, I hope you take a shower. You reek.” He grinned. Awsten rolled his eyes.

“Please, I can smell your shoes from here. Would it kill you to fucking wear socks?”

“Yes, actually, it might.”

Awsten shook his head with a slight smile, but his expression quickly slipped back into worry when Geoff came out fully dressed; jeans with holes in the knees, his favorite striped shirt, and jean jacket. Awsten stifled his worry long enough to make his way into the bathroom.

As Awsten was coming out after his shower, he saw a couple carts of food ready and waiting for him. He felt happiness seeing a stack of fresh blueberry pancakes calling his name with a bowl of fruit, some eggs, and- to his great surprise- a cold bottle of Kombucha.

“They have Kombucha here??”

“No, I went and got some from the bus fridge.” Geoff said, spreading some butter on his toast.

‘ _ Fuck.’ _ Awsten’s crush was definitely getting worse. How dare Geoff be so fucking sweet and caring.

They all ate their breakfast, ignoring Geoff’s occasional plea for even the smallest cup of coffee, as they were finishing up, Otto made his way to take a shower. Awsten yelled after him to scrub his goddamn feet, to which Otto just flipped him off before shutting the bathroom door. Awsten grinned sipping his Kombucha, glancing at Geoff who was focused on slowly eating his bowl of fruit, apparently the cantaloupe was very interesting. When Otto came out of the bathroom, fully dressed and ready to go, his phone starting buzzing, Geoff and Awsten looked at him with slight surprise. It wasn’t unusual to see Otto text, but it was unusual to see him grab at it so enthusiastically, texting back almost immediately.

“Zack says they’re calling their cab to get to Disney. You guys almost ready?”

Geoff nodded, putting their dirty dishes neatly on the cart and pushing it out to sit outside their hotel room door, ready for a hotel attendant to come by and pick it up. He went back into see Otto and Awsten rubbing on some sunscreen, and grabbing things they’d need for the magic kingdom. Geoff picked up his duffel to look for items he’d need.

“It’s a thousand degrees outside with 200% humidity, you’re seriously gonna wear a jacket?” Otto asked, raising an eyebrow. Geoff shrugged, smiling that tight-lipped smile that neither Otto nor Awsten liked seeing. They didn’t trust it, it meant Geoff was hiding something.

“It’s gonna be cold on some rides, I’d rather have it and not need than not have it and need it.” Geoff said, rifling through for his sunglasses. He was avoiding eye contact while he spoke. Awsten and Otto didn’t need to know the  _ real  _ reason he was wearing his favorite denim jacket on an August day in Florida.

Like a cruel punishment; The scratches  _ hadn’t _ faded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EARLY UPDATED
> 
> I'm projectiiiiiing
> 
> please comment and let me know if you cried
> 
> i listened to One More Light while writing this and definitely cried before i finished my morning coffee.


	8. Empathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff needs a friend right now, Jack is willing to be that friend- it turns Awsten an unpleasant shade of green.

Geoff could feel his palms sweating. Not from the heat but from the pure anxiety. He wanted to take off his jacket, but with every movement, he could feel his shirt fabric rub against the scratches. How could he have done something so stupid?

“Babe!” Jack yelled with a smile, waving at them as they walked up to where ATL and The Wrecks were waiting. The three walked up to them, Jack slinging his arm around Geoff’s shoulders in a hug. Geoff gave him a smile and a hug. “How was your guys’ hotel night? Get shit hammered? ‘Cause I sure as fuck did.” 

Geoff laughed, rolling his eyes a bit, but his smile faltered as he watched Awsten walk away with a set jaw. The rest of the two bands followed, Alex and Awsten pausing yards away when they noticed Geoff and Jack were still standing alone together. Geoff looked down, picking at his hand a little, Jack tilted his head.

“What’s wrong, sunshine?” He asked quietly, glancing over at Alex, his own expression faltering seeing the hard expression on the singer’s face.

“I did… I did something kind of stupid, Jack… and I can’t tell Awsten or Otto…” He said quietly, still not looking up from his hands. Jack looked at him, brown eyes filling with concern, he cracked a quick smile, hoping he could maybe cheer up the slightly shorter guitarist.

“Did ya get pregnant, Geoff? ‘Cause I don’t know if I can help you there.”

But Geoff didn’t smile, he shook his head, still not looking up. “I hurt myself, Jack…” His voice was almost silent, but Jack heard it, his face falling, he set his hands on Geoff’s shoulders. 

“What did you do, Geoff? Did you cut? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” He was speaking quietly too, it was the most serious Geoff had ever heard him-- Geoff knew he had officially fucked up.

“N-No, I scratched-- I know it’s not as serious--”

“Any form of self harm is serious, sunshine. Come on, let’s get inside the park then to a bathroom so I can check them. Did you break skin?”

Geoff nodded slowly, he had seen some spots of blood on his hoodie this morning. Jack took his hand and they walked past the two singers, Awsten’s eyebrows furrowed in concern as Geoff had his head ducked when he walked past. Alex just looked straight irritated that Jack had ignored him. Jack and Geoff got their entrance tickets and Jack took him straight to the nearest bathroom. The tall guitarist checked all the stalls before latching the lock on the bathroom door so they wouldn’t have any intruders.

“Let me see.” Jack said gently, helping Geoff out of his jacket. Geoff swallowed around the lump in his throat and pulled off his striped shirt and turned around showing Jack his back. Jack let out a soft concerned hiss. “Geoff… why did you do this?” Jack asked quietly, going to the sink to wet a paper towel and lightly dab at some of the dried blood that had crusted along some of the more aggressive scratches. Jack thought Geoff’s back had looked like he had been attacked by a wild animal. His mind wanted to joke ‘ _ Maybe a wild Awsten _ ,’ but he knew better. Now was not the time.

“It’s too much… everything-- I can’t… I can’t be someone Awsten would want… e-even if he didn’t have a girlfriend… I can’t be a good band member-- I-I’m so weak, I--” Geoff was sobbing out his reasoning. Jack turned him around and hugged him tight regardless of Geoff being shirtless. “I-I love him so much, J-Jack I-I can’t---” He clutched Jack’s shirt and cried into his friend. “I can’t--”

“Shh, shh, take a breath, Geoff…” Jack said softly into Geoff’s hair. “It’s alright, just take a moment, take a moment to breathe, okay?” 

“Wh-what should I do?” Geoff whispered after a moment of calming down. “Sh… should I leave the band…?”

“What? No, that’s insane.” Jack pulled back to look at Geoff’s face. “Just imagine what that’d do to Awsten and Otto.”

Geoff nodded, walking over to get a paper towel to blow his nose in before rinsing his face with cold water. He leaned over the mouse-shaped porcelain for a moment to draw in slow shaky breaths. Jack walked to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, being mindful of the angry red lines.

“Here,” He handed Geoff his shirt. “You’re gonna spend the day with me. We’re gonna ride all the rides and eat all the junk food and make you worn out and happy. This  _ is  _ the Magic Kingdom after all. Right there in the title. It’s magical.”

Geoff breathed out a small laugh, slipping on his shirt. He took another steady breath before checking his face in the mirror. The breathing and cold water had helped the swelling go down, but his eyes were still a little red.

“Let’s give you an Awsten break, yeah? You can give me an Alex one, god knows I need it.” Jack said with a soft smile, handing Geoff his denim jacket back.

“What’s wrong with you and Alex?” Geoff asked curiously, thankful for the change in subject. He didn’t want to think too much about Awsten right now, he might cry if he did.

Jack let out a loud dramatic sigh, unlocking the bathroom door as they made their way out. “What  _ isn’t _ wrong with Alex and I? Actually, that’s unfair, it’s only when he’s fucking  _ drunk _ is when the problem arises. As in “little Alex” arises.”

“Gross.” Geoff giggled as they walked towards the first ride they’d go on: Splash Mountain.

“I mean, it’s so fucking frustrating, you know I’m butt-fucking crazy about him-- Zack, and Rian know it, hell even the fucking tech crew knows, but Alex-- He’s so far up his own ass that when I’m in his, he barely notices.”

“Jack, please, there are children present.” Geoff smirked.

Jack groaned and rubbed his face. “I mean  _ seriously _ , I’m so fucking over it. Like, when he’s even slightly drunk, he never leaves my bed, he’s always begging for me to fuck ‘im--which I don’t mind really-- but then he’s sober…” Jack’s face fell a little. “It sucks… He doesn’t want anything to do with me. But then I hang out with you and he’s bitchy for, like, 72 hours… I just want to shake him and be like, ‘ _ what the hell do you want from me?!’ _ ” Jack made the shaking motion as they walked, drawing the attention of some park goers. 

“I’m sure this is a fruitless question, but have you tried talking to him?” Geoff asked, sidestepping some tourists taking pictures in the middle of the walkway.

“It’s pointless… He ignores me. I mean, not literally, but it’s like… this aspect of our relationship doesn’t exist in his reality. Only in tipsy Alex’s reality.” Jack’s shoulders slumped. Geoff put a comforting hand on his back. “I’m crazy about him, Geoff…” If anyone understood, Geoff did. Jack huffed a sigh and shook himself. “Nope, no more of this sad bullshit. We’re gonna have a fun day, damn it.” With that, he prompted Geoff to get on his back, the two smiling wide as Jack carried Geoff to the Splash mountain line.   
  


“Oh, you have  _ got _ to be kidding me.” Alex mumbled under his breath, his eyes squinting at something just over Awsten’s head. Awsten turned to look to see Geoff and Jack standing in line at the ride across the way, both laughing about something and Jack giving Geoff a huge bear hug. Awsten gritted his teeth and turned back to face the line they were in for the Star Wars ride. Otto rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone.

“Careful Otto, you might start to like that thing.” Awsten muttered, taking out his irritations on anything in the vicinity. Otto ignored the bitchy comment and texted Zack.

‘ _ 2days not the day.’ _ Sent at 12:22pm.

_ ‘What? Why not?’ _ Received at 12:22 pm.

_ ‘Geoffs still kinda sick and is avoiding aws.’  _ Sent at 12:23pm.

‘ _ Well then it’s perfect- we’ll let their emotions run high and shit.’ _ Received at 12:23 pm.

Otto bit his lip, contemplating, then shook his head.

‘ _ Sorry z- gonna have to say no. let’s aim for 2morrow after the show.’ _ Sent at 12:25pm.

‘ _ Fiiiiiiine. You owe me a beer then, Wood.’ _ Received at 12:25pm.

Otto chuckled and replied with a thumbs up emoji. Maybe if they let the two singers stew for another day, the ensuing chaos would be more constructive than emotional as Otto feared it might be.

Everyone enjoyed their day at the Magic Kingdom-- except Alex and Awsten to refused to relax until their respective guitarists were back by their sides. They kept spotting Jack and Geoff walking through the crowds, Jack had managed to find a pair of Nightmare Before Christmas Mickey ears, and Geoff apparently found some that had brightly colored flowers on them. Everytime the group of Otto, Rian, Alex and Awsten passed them, Alex and Awsten would grow just a little bit more bitter, and would mutter shit about Jack and Geoff under their breaths.

Nearing sundown, no one was ready to leave, but Geoff felt the wave of exhaustion hit him. The pills had gotten him a solid eight hours, but that wasn’t nearly enough to keep him energized after five days of no sleep. He smiled lightly at Jack and patted his arm.

“I’m gonna head back to the hotel, it’s time for me to turn in.” He punctuated that statement with a stifled yawn.

“Okay, let’s go.” Jack said with a wide smile, pulling out his phone to text the other three members of his band that he was heading out, and he’d see them back at the hotel.

“Oh, no, Jack, you stay, please don’t let me ruin--”

“If you think I’m leaving you alone after what you did to yourself, you are sorely mistaken, sunshine.” Jack said suddenly very serious. Geoff sighed a bit.

“Jay, I’m just going to take my sleeping pills and go to bed.”

“Good, we can have a sleepover.”

“It’s 7pm, you’re going to be bored out of your mind.”

“No I won’t, I need a good rest. I might look like the epitome of eternal youth but a good 15 hours sounds fucking magical. Come on.” He pulled Geoff by the jacket sleeve and they made their way to the exit. Geoff pulled out his phone and texted Otto and Awsten, letting them know he was going back to the hotel to get some sleep and that apparently Jack was going to stay the night in their hotel room.   
  


“He’s fucking  _ what?” _ Awsten nearly yelled at his phone, glaring at Otto like it was his fault.

“What?” Otto asked uninterested. “Geoff’s tired, Aws. You know that.”

“I mean the  _ Jack _ part!” Awsten was getting louder, Otto furrowed his eyebrows, giving Awsten a stern look.

“Lower your voice before you get us kicked out of Disney.”

They had met up with the rest of the group, The Wrecks and All TIme Low, Alex was standing stiff with Zack and Rian, talking to them angrily a few feet away, The Wrecks were mostly talking amongst themselves, Nick Anderson and Wes were listening to Awsten complain, however.

“Does this mean we have to sleep on the bus? I’m not okay with that!” Awsten said, clearly thinking Geoff and Jack were doing more than  _ going to sleep. _

“They’re not fucking, Awsten, don’t be stupid.” Otto said calmly, scooping a bit more ice cream into his mouth. 

“How do  _ you _ know? How do you know we’re not going to walk in on them??”

Nick and Wes glanced at each other in mild disbelief. Really, everyone else saw it, Awsten was dense as all fucking hell.

“Jack’s not Geoff’s type.” Nick said lightly, looking at something on his phone.

“He’s too tall.” Wes added, leaning over Nick phone, complimenting a good photo Nick had managed to get of the castle. Nick muttered something to Wes, making the other snicker, both throwing knowing looks at Awsten.

“How--” Awsten sputtered.

“Just relax, Aws. Enjoy the fireworks.” Otto said, offering Awsten some ice cream, Awsten just stared at him. 

They returned to the hotel room a little after midnight, Awsten barely let Otto stay through the fireworks, insisting that he was tired and wanted to go to bed. Otto knew it was because he wanted to catch Geoff and Jack in the act of passion. Or some cheesy bullshit like that. The door to the hotel room nearly banged against the wall if Otto hadn’t caught it, hissing some choice words at Awsten. The room was dark and quiet, only illuminated by the DVD menu of Nightmare Before Christmas that was looping on the tv. Otto and Awsten walked all the way in to see Geoff sound asleep, breathing deep and steady, tucked comfortably on his side. Sleeping next to him was Jack. Awsten was relieved to see that they were both clothed in pajamas and that they seemed to be sleeping with a space between them.

Awsten huffed an annoyed sigh nonetheless, knowing that since his spot next to Geoff was being occupied, he’d have to sleep next to Otto. The two quietly got ready for bed, turning off the tv and getting into bed, Otto hushing Awsten’s persistent grumbling about not being in the proper bed, about sharing the bed with Otto’s smelly feet, and having to sleep on the wrong side of the bed. He glanced over at Geoff’s sleeping silhouette and silently hoped Jack would have a nightmare.

Jealousy really wasn’t a good color on Awsten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are officially no longer following the track of the original story!
> 
> I want to go back to Disney World now. I lost my favorite pair of Mickey ears.
> 
> I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit disappointing-- I'm not in a very good place right now and I'm just trying to not give up for you guys.


	9. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awsten's intentions to worry about Geoff may be good, but they are frustrating the guitarist to no end.

“Geoff?”

“Mmm…”

Awsten felt awful about having to wake him. But their show was in two hours and Geoff hadn’t moved all day. He hadn’t even woken when Jack had loudly waken up and left with a big obnoxious smooch planted on a sleeping Geoff’s cheek. Awsten, as jealous as he was, found it pretty funny and giggled through breakfast about it.

“Geoff, come on, the show’s soon.”

“Mmm…” Was the only response Awsten to get out of him. Awsten chewed on his bottom lip and shook him again.

“Geoff, come on, as soon as the show is done, we can come back here for you to go to bed, we won’t even sit at our merch booth.” Geoff’s eyes didn’t even twitch. “I’m sorry, Geoff, but please, wake up.”

“Kiss sleeping beauty and wake him up.” Otto said from the chair where he was watching youtube videos.

“Otto, take this seriously please.”

Otto rolled his eyes, before turning up the volume and ignoring the singer.

Awsten knelt by the edge of the bed so much guilt finding him as he watched Geoff finally sleep. He chewed on his bottom lip before leaning up slightly and lightly pressing a kiss to Geoff’s cheek before grabbing Geoff’s phone and going into the hallway to make a call.

Otto blinked and looked at the sleeping Geoff then to the door where Awsten had disappeared through. Seriously, Awsten could give him a kiss but not fucking  _ talk _ about it? God that kid was exhausting. He was thinking about what lecture he should pull out on Awsten when the blue-haired singer came back in, sighing quietly, tucking Geoff’s phone into his back pocket.

“Well?”

“Jack’s going to play for us. He and Geoff have played our songs so many times together, he knows our set by heart.” Awsten sat on the edge of Otto’s bed, watching Geoff sleep. “I don’t want to leave him alone, Otto.”

“Then why didn’t you just tell them we’re out?”

“I can’t disappoint the fans like that, our twitter is blowing up with all the people saying they’re excited to see us.”

“Mmm.” Otto looked at Geoff too. “Well, what should we do? We can’t sit here until we go on stage, we need to get down there for the soundcheck.” Otto stood with that, looking for his bag.

Awsten didn’t move, still watching Geoff. He sighed after Otto gave him a quiet ‘Come on, Aws,’ stood, grabbed his bag, and followed him out, with a final glance into the dark room where the heavy even breathing of his best friend was. He went back in for a moment to write a note for Geoff to find, paused and signed it quickly before scurrying out after Otto.

  
Geoff groaned, refusing to open his eyes, god he hadn’t slept so hard and so well since before the beginning of tour. He pulled a pillow over his head and tried to settle back in for sleep before it hit him how quiet the room was. He whipped up, looking around frantically for Awsten, Otto, or Jack.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! Guys??” He called, hoping someone was in the bathroom. With his heart in his throat, he scrambled for the analog clock on the nightstand. 7:23pm. Waterparks was supposed to be on stage in 7 minutes. The hotel was 20 from the venue.  “What the hell!!” He roared, kicking off the sheets, scrambled to get dressed, grabbed his bag, and looked for his phone, before noticing a little note on the nightstand with his name scribbled across in Awsten’s messy scrawl. He picked it up while reaching for the hotel phone to call a cab.

‘G-

I couldn’t wake you, and I didn’t want to. If you wake up before we get back, try and get back to sleep. Jack’s going to play for you tonight, we all want you to get your rest. I have your phone since mine’s busted. Call me if you need anything.

xoxo -Aws’

Geoff’s panic dissipated, he put the phone back on the receiver and dropped his bag. He sat on the bed, looking around the room. He huffed and stood, actually calling a cab, but not picking up his bag.

He stood in the background, watching Otto, Awsten, and Jack perform from the dark of the sidestage. They were about three songs in, and a bit of anger bubbled in Geoff’s stomach as he watched Jack and Awsten banter and flirt on stage. Sure, Jack and Alex were known for their stage banter, so it was probably only natural that Jack would apply that to the Waterparks set too, but it still didn’t stop Geoff’s own little green monster.

“Sucks doesn’t it?” A voice said in Geoff’s ear making him startle. He turned to see Alex watching him with hard eyes.

“What?” Geoff asked, looking back at Jack and Awsten. He crossed his arms, trying not to let the jealousy get the best of him. Jack was his friend, Jack knew how grossly in love with Awsten Geoff was, Jack was just as grossly in love with Alex.

_ It’s just for the show. Just for the show. _

Geoff was telling himself that when Alex was speaking again.

“It sucks seeing someone you want want someone else.” Alex had his arms crossed as well, but was staring right at Geoff.

“What are you talking about?” Geoff mumbled, barely paying attention to Alex. Don’t get him wrong, he adored Alex, but he was a bit stiff with him for the way he treated Jack.

“I’m talking about you and Awsten, dumbass, and the fact that you’re lusting after him even when you’ve got Jack under your thumb. And between your legs.”

Geoff ripped his eyes away from Awsten, who had the audience singing along with him, to stare in disbelief at Alex.

“You can’t be serious.” Was all he could manage after a minute of processing what Alex had said.

“I don’t know what your game is here,  _ little boy _ .” Geoff’s expression turned to pure seething rage as Alex called him that. “But Jack’s  _ mine.  _ Got it? I’m not about to let you ruin what I’ve got with him.”

Geoff barked out a laugh, his grin during a bit malicious. “What _ you’ve _ got, twinkerbell? Please, I know all about your refusal to claim Jack. Jack’s too tall for me anyhow. But I don’t deny I wouldn’t say no to that given a chance.” He nodded his head to Jack, giving Alex a hard look, who was staring at him in a bit of disbelief, Geoff saw the singer’s shoulders shrink a bit. “It’s just a shame that Jack doesn’t put you in your fucking place. Maybe then you’d learn to be honest, you fucking  _ brat. _ ”

Geoff pushed passed him, leaving Alex in shock, he could literally see Alex’s “alpha” demeanor shrink. Now Geoff knew why Jack kept saying it was easy to make Alex beg. He scoffed to himself before going to the refreshments table, meeting eyes with a grinning Zack.

“Who knew you had that in you, Wigington.”

Geoff shrugged. “I’m tired of people making assumptions of Jack and mine’s friendship. And if Alex is going to try and be a dick to me about being Jack’s friend, then I’m gonna put him where he belongs.”

Zack held up his hands with a wide grin. “I don’t blame you, dude. It’s about time Alex was forced to make a decision.”

Geoff picked up a soda and cracked it before he heard an angry, “Don’t you drink that!” He looked over to see Awsten rushing off the stage straight for him. Geoff grinned just a little and set down the open soda, picked up a water bottle and handed it to the sweating singer.

“What are you doing here? I thought I told you to try and get back to sleep.” Awsten scowled, taking the water bottle, he didn’t have much time to scold Geoff, Otto was killing time by having rare banter with Jack on stage.

“You don’t tell me what to do.” Geoff grinned again, picking up a water bottle for himself. “I wanted to watch you guys, and thank Jack for covering for me.”

Awsten drank his water, eyeing Geoff and then sighed a bit. “Alright, well… don’t drink any caffeine, okay?”

Geoff contemplated for a moment, examining Awsten’s worried face, then nodded. “Okay, Aws, I won’t.”

Awsten smiled. “Good. Promise you’ll take another pill when we get back?”

“Only one, I want to be able to wake up in the morning.”

“Deal.” Awsten put the now empty water bottle back on the table and rushed back on to the stage.

“So... You two  _ seriously _ aren’t dating?” Zack said, shoving some carrots in his mouth, washing them down with a chug of beer.

Geoff shook his head. “Dude, you know he’s got a girlfriend.”

Zack groaned and rolled his eyes. “I keep forgetting. Why are our lives so complicated?”

Geoff gave him a puzzled look. “What do you mean? Jack and Alex?”

Zack shrugged, taking a drink of his beer. “You’ll find out.” He winked then walked off to find Rian and Alex.

“Cryptic.” Geoff called after his retreating back.

“Thank you, Orlando, y’all have been fucking awesome! Now put those beautiful hands together and get ready for SWMRS!” Awsten shouted into the microphone and Geoff stepped closer to the edge of side stage.

“Babe!” Jack shouted as he, Awsten, and Otto came off the stage, the techs rushing off to clear Waterparks’ equipment. “Why are you here?? Shouldn’t you be asleep??”

“I just wanted to watch and thank you for helping us out.” Geoff said with that bright sunshine smile, Jack flung his arms around Geoff and hugged him tight.

“You’re very welcome! Now go back to bed!” Jack ruffled his hair before bounding off to find his own bandmates.

Otto patted Geoff’s shoulder as he made his way to the refreshment table for some water. Awsten stood in front of Geoff, those multi colored eyes examining him, still filled with worry. Geoff gave him a soft smile.

“I’m okay, Aws, really. You guys did great.”

That wasn’t enough for Awsten though, he handed his guitar to a tech, took Geoff’s hand, pulled out Geoff’s phone and called for their van, Otto gladly trailing behind, just as tired as Awsten was.

“Awsten, seriously, I’m okay. I want to see All--”

“No, we’re going back to the room and we’re gonna be quiet and shit and you’re gonna sleep like a fuckin’ baby, okay?” Awsten before telling their driver on the other end that they were ready to be picked up.

“Awsten. Calm down, I’m okay, I swear.” He sighed when Awsten shoved him into the van that was waiting outside the venue and grumbled under his breath about Awsten overreacting. He snatched his phone from Awsten just as the screen lit up with Jack’s number. “Hey, Jay.”

Awsten glared at him, hissing that he needed to get back to the hotel and sleep. Geoff just covered Awsten’s mouth with his hand.

“Yeah, they kidnapped me and are taking me back to the hotel…. Sure, yeah, what time?” He ignored the loud grumble of protest from Awsten. “Okay, see you there. The one on 7th you said? Cool.” He hung up with a goodbye before removing his hand from Awsten’s mouth.

“You aren’t going out to drink, Geoff!” Awsten practically screamed. Geoff’s eyebrows fell into a hard expression.

“Awsten, I’m 27, I can drink whenever I want. Jack, Rian, Zack, and Alex want to go out and have a drink. I’m not going to say no to that. You can join us and have fun, or you can continue to pout about me not submitting to your commands. Your choice, but I gotta say, sitting alone pissed off in the hotel room doesn’t sound like a lot of fun.”

Awsten scoffed, crossed his arms and shrunk back against the seat.

“Don’t be a child.” Geoff grumbled. He didn’t know why he was being so short with Awsten, but he felt irritated and poor Awsten just happened to be difficult at the wrong time. He tried to lighten up and gave Awsten a smile. “Come on, you like hanging out at bars with us, you like to people watch.”

Awsten shrugged and picked some lint on his sweater. Geoff stifled another frustrated sigh and looked out the window. He had called Alex a brat earlier, but  _ holy shit _ Awsten could win a brat competition sometimes. 

Otto was watching the whole thing from the back seat of the van with a grin on his face. Tonight would be a perfect night for Rian’s plan. So he did what he did best: encourage bad decisions. After a couple minutes of annoying Awsten, the singer finally agreed to go to the bar with them.

As they entered the hotel room to shower and clean up from their show, Otto texted Zack.

_ ‘Tonight.’ _ sent at 8:39pm.

_ ‘It’s on.’ _ Received at 8:40pm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i am fucking sick again


	10. Outrage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awsten isn't getting his way, and it for fucking sure is Geoff's fault.

Fucked.

That’s all Awsten felt right now.

Absolutely fucked.

First of all, why was Geoff being so fucking stubborn? Second of all, what the  _ hell _ had happened in the van? He had never seen Geoff act like that. He had never heard Geoff be so…  _ authoritative _ with him. Usually, Geoff was calm and collected, and would let Awsten burn off whatever adrenaline high had hit him. But, tonight, Geoff had called him a child! He certainly was  _ not _ a child, he was 26 years old, dammit.

Awsten sat in the booth squished between Geoff and Otto, his arms crossed over his chest, sinking back into the plush fabric of the seat. Pouting.

Like a child.

Geoff glanced at him before returning to his conversation with Zack. Awsten was people watching, but the people he was watching were the ones in front of him. He wondered what crawled up Alex’s ass; the singer was pouting as well, occasionally reaching out to tug on Jack’s shirt, the taller guitarist only waving his hand carelessly in response. At least Geoff was giving him a little more attention than Jack was giving Alex.

He let a huffy sigh, Geoff turning to look at him, the expression a little hard. 

“Yes, Awsten? Do you need something?”

“What? No? I’m just people watching.”

“You’ve sighed loudly at least four times in the last thirty seconds. Are we boring you?” Geoff was using that  _ tone  _ with him again, he shrunk down in his seat and shook his head. Geoff studied him for a moment before catching the bartenders eyes and holding up two fingers to order another round. He looked back at Awsten, but instead of saying anything, he just returned his attention to Zack, who looked like he was trying not to bust a gut from holding in laughter.

Otto grinned and caught Rian’s eye, who was keeping a close watch on Alex and Jack. Alex was about three tequila shots in, and had started on the  rosé wine. Otto sipped lightly at his beer, it was his first, it was getting warm, but he had no intention of getting drunk. Neither, apparently, did Zack and Rian, who were both nursing their first beers. 

As the night went on, the total number of drinks Geoff and Jack partook in was much higher than the number Rian, Zack, and Otto had combined. at one point, when Zack had made the group shift seats so he could use the restroom, Jack and Geoff ended up sitting next to each other. as they got drunker, Awsten noticed, the whinier Alex became. 

Jack had his arm slung around Geoff’s shoulders, they had their heads ducked together while they talked in the loud bar. Alex scooted as close as possible to Jack, tugging feverishly on his jacket.

“J… J-ack--- I wanna go back t’tha hotel--”

“Alex, drink some water, and talk to Zack or Rian.” Jack snapped, earning a hurt puppy look from the singer.

The scene stirred a feeling of guilt in Awsten, and he suddenly wanted Geoff to take him back to their room. He reached out for the first time, and, much like Alex, tugged on Geoff’s denim jacket. Those blue eyes, fuzzy with liquid bad decisions, turned on him, and he swallowed, suddenly really wishing he was drinking too.

“What?” Geoff asked, a bite in his voice. Awsten’s strange feeling bloomed in his chest and he ducked his head just a bit.

“Can we go home now? I’m tired…”

“Have Otto take you, or you can call the van yourself, you’re a big boy.” Geoff said, returning his attention to Jack.

“Why are you being such a prick to me?!” Awsten suddenly snapped, his spiky personality breaking through the strange blanketed feeling he had been feeling all night.

“I’m not being a prick, Awsten, I’m just not going to let you get your way whenever you fucking want.” Geoff said turning back to look at him. Zack and Rian's eyebrows rose, they caught Otto’s eyes, and nodded. Otto looked at Jack who was watching the scene with mild interest, blatantly ignoring Alex who was now practically hanging off of the taller guitarist.

Awsten’s expression hardened, his hands balled up into fists. “I’m not trying to get what I want, asshole, I’m trying to make sure you stay healthy!” He was practically shouting, well, the bar  _ was _ loud, but, so was Awsten. A few patrons not part of their little circle were watching the scene, some looked like they were hoping for a fist fight

“Why the fuck would you care if I stay healthy? You’re too far up Ciara’s ass to notice anyone else around you.” Geoff scoffed, his drunken mind apparently going to let out his bitter feelings about Awsten’s relationship with Ciara. He didn’t catch Otto’s grimace, or the hurt look Awsten suddenly had.

“Fuck you, Geoff.” Awsten said, shoving Otto out of the booth and stomping out of the bar. Geoff looked after him with an enraged look for a moment before getting up and following him. Of course, the four other men scrambled to follow and watch. Otto went to the bar to pay the tab. 

“The fuck did you say to me?” Geoff shouted at the blue haired singer as they made their way outside into the damp Florida night.

“I said fuck you, asshole! You don’t know a damn thing about me and Ciara and that’s ‘cause you’re too busy fucking  _ him _ to care about your bandmates!” Awsten shouted back, pointed at Jack as the group joined them. Alex looked pissed at the words, like everything was officially confirmed that Jack and Geoff were screwing.

“You think I don’t care about you!? Are you fucking kidding me?!” Geoff’s hands were fists at this point, Zack and Rian wondered when they could slip in their little plan.

“What the fuck is with you lately??” Awsten threw up his hands, trying to ignore the way his adrenaline was making him shake.

“What, just because I’m not bending over backwards to make sure Awsten gets everything he wants?” Geoff whipped around and looked at Jack, before looking back at Awsten. “You want Jack and I to be fucking so badly? Then fine, maybe we will!”

“Wh--” Jack was stopped by Geoff grabbing the front of his jacket and pulling him in for a very sloppy very drunk kiss.

Awsten’s heart fell out of his ass and shattered on the pavement, Alex let a strangled cry of ‘ _ No!’,  _ Rian and Zack looked stunned, and there was a loud ‘ _ What the fuck?!’ _ As Otto finally came outside to join them.

Geoff and Jack broke apart, both looking pretty drunk, mildly pissed off, but then went back in for another aggressive kiss.

“That’s enough!” Awsten shouted, grabbing Geoff’s jacket and pulling him off Jack as Alex pushed Jack to the side, looking hurt and enraged.

The van chose that very wonderful moment to pull up and open it doors for Geoff, Otto, and Awsten to be taken back to the hotel. Otto shoved in the drunk Geoff, then the angry Awsten before getting in and closing the door.

It was a moment before Awsten could find his voice, but when he did, the driver startled at the sheer volume.

“What the fuck were you thinking?! Why would you do that?! Are you some kind of idiot?! Fucking drunk asshole!!”

Geoff looked at him with an angry expression for a few beats before his face crumpled and he buried his tearing eyes in his hands.

“Are you fucking kidding me, kissing Jack like that?! Why have you been lying to me?! How long have you two been actually screwing?! You’re such a liar! I’ll never trust you aga--”

“Awsten…” Otto said quietly, putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder, his eyes glued on Geoff who was shaking. Who was crying.

“No! I deserve to know why he’s been fucking lying to me!” Awsten shouted, turning back to Geoff, pausing when he was met by red rimmed, blue eyes and a tear streaked pained expression. Awsten tried to keep his angry mood going, but felt it rapidly deflating. “G… geoff…” He shook himself, before getting ready to rip the guitarist a new one.

This is how it went for the fifteen minute drive back to the hotel, Geoff sat quietly, as Awsten berated him, Otto trying to get them both to calm down. When they got back, Geoff followed silently behind Awsten and Otto who were now arguing between themselves, Otto stopping Awsten any time the singer turned to start back on the guitarist.

“Awsten, that’s enough!” Otto snapped as the singer tired once more when they were back in the privacy of their hotel room Geoff went straight for the bathroom and locked himself inside. Otto glared at Awsten, who glared right on back. “The dude is fucking shit hammered, you really think  _ now _ is the best time to have jealous rage?!”

“He kissed Jack! He’s been lying to me this whole time!”

“I saw he kissed Jack, and no, he hasn’t been lying to you! Oh my god, you’re the most stubborn, self centered asshole i’ve ever met! And why the fuck do you care if he’s been kissing Jack?! If  _ anyone _ is a liar here, it’s  _ you! _ ” Otto knew he was probably about to cross a line, but  _ fuck _ , he had had it up to here with Awsten. “How’s the girlfriend, asshole? How’s the caring for your best friend going?!”

Awsten looked like he had been slapped. Guilt washed over him. Otto was right, he was the liar in this situation, but… He glanced at the bathroom door, before back to Otto.

“Don’t you dare try to give me some lameass excuse. You’re gonna go in there, and you’re gonna fucking fix this or I’m gonna beat the shit out of you.” Otto crossed his arms, staring Awsten down until the singer sighed in defeat and went to the bathroom door.

“Geoff?” He asked, resting a hand on the knob.

“Go away.” The slurred reply was quiet.

“No, we need to talk--”

“I don’t want to talk.” There was an almost silent sniffle, and his wrenched Awsten’s heart. He turned the knob and started to open the door before it was shoved shut. “I said no, Awsten.”

“Come on, let me in--” He tried again, but the door was barricaded closed. “Geoff.”

“No.”

“Geoff, come on--” He shoved his weight against the door and heard a crash and a small groan. He opened the door to see Geoff wedged awkwardly between the toilet and the tub, glaring up at Awsten. Awsten tried not to laugh. “You’re drunk.”

“No shit.” Geoff said, struggling to get up. He wiggled himself around and managed to get up from his knees. When he turned he was met by a horrified expression on Awsten’s face. “What? Gonna yell at me about Jack some more? Cause I’m not in the mood.”

“Geoff… What’s all over your arms and back?” Awsten’s voice was small, scared, almost silent. Geoff felt his heart drop and looked to where he had tossed his denim jacket. He let out a breathy  _ fuck _ , realizing that Awsten had seen the scratch marks on his upper arms and his shoulders from his sleeveless shirt. “Geoff…”

“It’s nothing.”

“That’s not nothing--”

“Drop it, Awsten.”

“No!”

“Yes, drop it, it’s none of your business.”

“You  _ are _ my business! What is on your back??”

“Awsten--” Geoff warned.

“I’m not gonna stop asking!”

Geoff looked at him angrily for just a moment before he felt heat flush over him, a wave of nausea hit him. He clamped his mouth shut, eyes widening and gestured at Awsten to get out before he whipped around expelled all of his stomach contents into the toilet. Awsten grimaced and covered his ears, scrambling out of the bathroom, hating the sound of puking. Otto was sitting on his bed and sighed, rubbing his face.

“I forgot he was doing tequila shots. It’s always the tequila.” Otto mumbled, waiting for the sound of violent puking to stop before they went into check on their drunk guitarist.

“Otto--” Awsten flinched hearing the muffled sound of Geoff gagging. “Otto, Geoff, he’s been--”

The toilet flushing followed by a loud thump and groan interrupted them. The two rushed into the bathroom to see Geoff passed out on the bathroom floor, his skin sheened with sold sweat.

“Shit.” Otto muttered,  stepping in and sighing. “i’m gonna go get him some ice, stay here and try and wake him up.”

Awsten nodded and knelt by Geoff’s head, and sighed lightly tapping his cheek. “You’re an idiot.” Awsten muttered before shaking him. Geoff opened his eyes soon after and groaned, rubbing his face.

“What happened?”

“You puked out everything you’ve ever eaten and passed out.” Awsten muttered, helping him sit up against the tub. “Take a breath, Otto went to get you some ice.” 

“Mm…” Geoff responded, looking down at his hands. 

“Geoff…”

“I don’t want to talk about it…” Geoff muttered.

“But--”

“Hey buddy, here.” Otto came back into the hotel room and handed him a cup of ice chips.

“Thanks…” He chewed on a small piece ass he waited for the world to stop swimming.

Awsten stayed in the bathroom with Geoff, watching him come out of the fainting spell.

“At least tell me why…”

Geoff looked at him for a moment. Then back into his cup of ice. “You don’t want to know.”

“Yes I do.”

“No, Aws, you really don’t.”

“Geoff, I need to know why you’re fucking hurting yourself. You can tell me, I promise I won’t judge.”

Geoff took a breath and looked back at Awsten, his blue eyes sad, so full of hurt, a hurt Awsten had never seen before. A hurt that made Awsten hurt too.

“Tell me, Gee… Please…”

“Because…” Geoff swallowed a bit, his pain filled blue eyes still locked in Awsten’s heterochromatic ones. He spoke, his voice barely a whisper...

“... I’m in love with you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CUE NUCLEAR BOMB EXPLOSION
> 
> Hey kids never get pass-out drunk. It's not fun. If you drink, make sure you drink as many cups of water as drinks you've had and alternate between water and booze. (I actually learned this rule from Billie Joe Armstrong) This has been a psa from your friendly alcoholic grandpa
> 
> sorry for the wait, I wasn't in a great place, so I pretty much went radio silent on all media platforms for a little while


	11. Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Awsten's fault.

"Has he just been sitting there the entire time?"

Awsten just shrugged, playing with the hem of his sweater.

Otto looked back to Geoff who was sitting, motionless, in the passenger seat of the stilled bus. They had stopped for gas during their unbearably silent trip. Otto knew it was Awsten's fault, he was pissed off at the singer too.

"Geoff?" Otto asked, taking his seat back in the driver's side, reaching out to his friend.

"Just get us home, Otto." Geoff's voice was barely a whisper, he didn't blink, he didn't move.

"You guys have to--"

"No, we don't just... get us home." Geoff said, his voice clipped. Otto saw Awsten flinch out of the corner of his eye. He sighed and turned over the bus engine, trying to think of a way that this will work itself out.

After all... he just witnessed Awsten break Geoff's heart.

Hours of just... silence. Tension. An occasional Awsten sniffle. Otto couldn't take it anymore, he saw a rest stop, just as dark clouds were rolling in. He pulled over and stared at Geoff, who blinked at him.

"What are you doing?"

“You two are going to talk, I'm going to nap. Looks like you have half and hour before the storm hits." Otto stood, looked to Awsten, back to Geoff, then back to Awsten. "Talk." He walked to the bunks and climbed in without another word.

Geoff just stared out the front window again, his eyes barely focused on the dark clouds that were hurtling towards them. He didn't want to talk about it. He had every answer he needed from Awsten. He was numb.

"Gee..." Awsten finally muttered, standing, and approaching the driver's seat.

"Don't..." Geoff replied barely a whisper. "Get away from me, Awsten."

"I can't-- I won't do that." He took the vacant seat and looked at Geoff with pleading eyes.

"Awsten I can't..." He closed his eyes for the first time, his stiff shoulder slumped, Awsten saw how much pain was on his face. "I gave you my heart... I can't deal with this right now."

"We have to though, for the band, for our... for us..."

Geoff was silent for a moment before opening his eyes. "I don't... think I can--"

"You're not leaving the band, fuck that, and fuck you for even thinking that."

Geoff sighed and rubbed his face. "I can't, Aws. I can't just forget what I said to you, I can't forget that you saw... I can't."

"Good, then don't forget. Let's just get home, and we can talk about it then."

Geoff stood suddenly and went for the bus door.  "You don't get it. Just leave me alone." He let the door slam behind him. 

Thunder rolled dully in the distance. Awsten's heart cracked and fell apart. He buried his face in his hands and didn't know what to do. Should he scream? Be angry? Cry? Be sad? What the fuck was going on? He wasn't prepared for this so quickly after Ciara. He had thought about approaching the subject, almost jokingly, to see how'd Geoff react-- 'Hahaha, oh, hey best friend, what if I said I had feelings for you, hahahaha.' Everything had taken him by surprise that he can't even react correctly to Geoff. This isn't what his heart was telling him, but he just... He couldn't, not right now. Geoff wasn't going to be a rebound, not if Awsten could help it.   
  


Geoff found a trail just off the side of the rest stop, he was sure it wasn’t an actual hiking path, maybe just a little walkway for travelers with pets. But it was the best solution he could ask for to get him away from the bus. The last three hours played painfully in his head, his anxiety telling him how fucking stupid he was, and how embarrassed he felt on top of the excruciating pain of losing his best friend.

He didn’t see how they’d get past this.

How could they?

How could Awsten… how could he do this?

_ ‘How could I have been so damn stupid?’ _ Geoff clenched his teeth as he walked.    
  


“How could you have been so damn stupid!”

“Don’t yell at me, I already feel fucking awful!!” Awsten was in tears, curled into himself in the driver's seat, the sleeve of one of his dad-sweaters soaked with snot, tears, and misery.

“You fucking wrecked him, dude! What the fuck is wrong with you?? After all I’ve been hearing-- ‘Geoff this, Geoff that-- I broke up with my fucking girlfriend for him--’ You’re a dumbass!”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Awsten covered his face and sobbed. “I ruined everything!”

“No shit, Sherlock! Go fucking find him and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid!” Otto was filled with rage, more rage than Awsten had ever seen. 

Awsten’s heart dropped at the phrase ‘do anything stupid.’ “Y-you don’t think--” Awsten looked at Otto, rubbing his swollen and bloodshot eyes.

“Dude, we just found out he fucking self harms, I don’t know what the hell he could do, and I don’t want it to become a reality-- just-- Go find him!”

“B-but the storm--”

“I don’t give a shit about your fears right now, dickweed, go find your fucking best friend and make sure he’s at least--” otto didn’t want to say it so he just glared at Awsten. “Go!”

Awsten scrambled up and ran out of the bus, being met by a huge gust of wind. He shivered but looked for any sign of Geoff. Seeing none, he ran into the gas station, asking the attendant if he had seen his fluffy haired best friend.

“Nah, dude, but I did see some kid with a dope Triforce necklace take the piss path around back.” The stoner teen behind the counter looked like he would rather be literally anywhere but here.

“The… the piss path?”

“Yeah, man, the path where bitchy suburban moms take their tiny dogs for a piss.”

Awsten followed the direction and ran down the path, trying his best to ignore the fact that the distant rumbling was getting closer.

“Geoff?” He called, his eyes stung, he was exhausted, where was Geoff? “Geoff!” he shivered and looked around, his heart sinking with every passing minute as he made his way into the forest.

“Geoff! Come on! Where are you?!” Awsten’s eyes stung. “G-geoff come on!” He walked farther, the noise of the thunder just white noise as his anxiety sent him to the worst case scenario. ‘ _ Please Geoff, please don’t be stupid. I need you, I can’t… ’ _

“GEOFF!!!” Awsten screamed at the top of his lungs, he froze, hoping for a response.

Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So HEY, super long time no see, the bad spot didn't really go away, but I got this (super short sorry babes) intermission chapter because I don't want to leave you hanging. And I wanted to break all of your hearts just a little bit until I can get you a full honest to Hades chapter.


	12. Vulnerability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's shitty to leave your best friend in any state. It's even shittier if you both lie to each other.

“Ya know… It’s kinda shitty to leave your best friend in that state.” Otto sat down next to Geoff on the cliff edge, handing him a can of something alcoholic.

Thunder rolled in the distance; the storm was getting closer. Geoff was sitting there, heart broken, numbness inching its way from his chest to every nerve in his body; but he could still only think about Awsten’s fear of storms.

“You should get back to the bus and make sure he puts on his headphones…” Geoff’s voice was raw, barely audible over the wind that was whipping his and Otto’s hair around their heads. He took a sip of the can and looked at the front of it with mild surprise.

“The gas station only had that tiny Malibu mixed can.” Otto said, sipping his own and grimacing, it was too sweet for his tastes.

“I gave him… everything, Otto… “

“I know… I know, buddy…” He reached over and gently patted Geoff’s back. “Awsten’s a self-centered prick sometimes, you know that… And he’s never been good at affection.”

Geoff scoffed. “Are you kidding? You see how affectionate he is with Ciara…” He took another sip. “But what was I expecting... He would never leave a beautiful woman like her…”

“Geoff…” Otto sighed quietly, “Geoff, Awsten hasn’t told you but… he and Ciara are done…” He flinched a bit feeling Geoff’s blue eyes turn on him. “I get the feeling that he doesn’t want to tell you, because he’s terrified.”

“Of… of me?”

“Of you _and_ him. I think he’s scared of ruining you, us, the band, whatever.”

Geoff looked down at his hands. “If he and I mess up... I lose you too…”

“Now you know that’s not tru--”

“Otto, you’re Awsten’s best friend. Yeah, I might be one of his best friends, but you’re _the_ best friend. You’re going to be by Awsten’s side no matter what, because he’s always been by _your_ side no matter what.”

Otto sighed, knowing Geoff was probably right. When it came down to it, heavens forbid a dividing line, Otto would always protect Awsten. Awsten could kick and scream that he didn’t need protection, but Otto knew better, Otto always knew Awsten better.

“Can we at least get you home?”

“Home is in LA… I’m supposed to stay with you and Aws for the next week until we go out there to record… I guess I can change my fli--”

“Dude, shut up, you know neither of us will allow you to do that. Come on-” Otto stood and held out his hand, “let’s get back on the bus before the storm comes. You don’t have to talk to each other… in fact, that might be for the best. At least for now.”

Geoff looked out over the forest below the cliff they sat on. He debated; he could easily text Jack and have them pick him up and take him to the airport but… he knew that would cause problems for him with Alex. His heart sunk-- was he just… cut off from everyone, now? He couldn’t talk to Awsten, and Jack… fuck, Jack had his hands overflowing with his own problems; Alex.

Road trip to Houston seemed to be the best option.

Geoff stood and walked back to the bus with Otto. He can’t remember when his ears started ringing, maybe it started when the bus door flew open and Awsten nearly tackled him. His two bandmates led him into the bus where he sat on the couch, staring out the window, ears ringing, heart still crumbling.

Awsten watched him from the passenger seat as Otto took the helm and set them back on the road.

“It’s like… he’s catatonic, or something.” Awsten mumbled, finally looking away from Geoff to turn back to face the road.

“What do you expect, dude… You destroyed him.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…” Awsten said quietly.

The rain started to pelt the windshield and the bus fell quiet, only with the sounds of the rain against the metal outer shell. Otto didn’t even bother turning on music, it was better to not have any distractions in the rain.

“Jesus, why did we take the Gulf route? We should have known it would be storm city this time of year.” Otto mumbled as visibility lessened.

Awstened tensed, but tried his best to not react when thunder rumbled above them. He picked at his sweater sleeve and looked over at Otto.

“Ciara… she said some nasty things to me… that’s why I broke my phone…”

“I figured…” Otto sighed, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. “You wouldn’t break your only portal to yelling on twitter without good reason.”

Awsten let out a small smile. “I don’t just like to yell on twitter.”

“Yeah, but what are you gonna do without your daily dose of dogs?”

Awsten smiled again, then sighed, looking back out the front window, jumping slightly when lighting lit up the sky.

Otto glanced at him before looking back at the downpour blurring the lanes of the highway. “Go put your headphones on, I’ll be fine by myself up here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, man. Go watch Big Mouth or something.”

The thunder roared loudly over them, Awsten jumped a bit and nodded before speed walking past the stone-still Geoff and took refuge in his bunk. He jammed in his earbuds and turned up the volume as loud as he could stand it and then some.

Otto glanced in the rear view before gluing his attention to the road. “He needs you.”

To Geoff, Otto’s voice was at the end of a dark dank tunnel, filled with car wreckage, shrapnel, and carnage.

“Mmm.” Was all he could reply.

Otto sighed and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. His glace flickered back to Geoff when he heard the guitarists’ phone ring. Geoff looked down to the electronic rectangle and saw Jack’s name light up.

Jack.

Thank the gods.

“Hullo…?”

“Hey, sunshine…” Jack’s voice sounded thick, and for a moment, Geoff’s fog lifted.

“Jay? What’s wrong?”

He heard a shaky breath and Jack let out a sob on the other end of the phone.

“Al-Alex told me he does-sn’t love me…”

Geoff’s heart broke even more. What was this fucked up world anymore? If Jack and Alex weren’t together… then everything he knew would be wrong…

… Everything _is_ wrong…

“What? Wh-- Jay there’s no way--”

“H-he said it, Geoff-- H-he called me a whore and s-said I was o-only a drunk lay to him…”

Geoff’s eyes stung hearing one of his closests friends cry with heartbreak. “J-jack… I-”

“C… can I come stay with you? I-I can’t be alone, I-I…” Jack’s sobs sounded like the hollowness and darkness Geoff felt.

“.... Can you stay home for a couple days? We won’t be back in Houston until Thursday and I…” He glanced towards Awsten’s curtain-closed bunk then back down to his lap. “I’ll get the first flight back to LA, I promise... If you want, I can call my apartment front desk and tell them to let you have the spare key…”

“N-No I can wait until you’re back in California…” Jack sniffled; Geoff heard someone talking gently to him on the other end. Jack let out another sob of pain, but Geoff could almost hear the relief. “G-Gee, Zack’s gonna stay with me u-until you get home... “

Geoff felt relief too. Zack would take excellent care of his heartbroken friend. “Good, good… Can I talk to him for a sec?”

“‘Course--” Jack sniffled, said something to Zack that was muffled and handed him the phone.

“Hey Wings,” Zack’s calm voice was in his ear. Geoff wished he was with them two for the moment, Zack was always the calming presence, and Jack was the comforting.

“Zee, please… make sure he’s okay… I-I know I probably don’t have much right to--”

“Stop, Geoff,” Zack said gently. “Jack’s one of your closest friends now, we all see it, we all know it. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other, you’re allowed to worry about him. Infact, I thank you for it. If it weren’t for you, I’m not sure he wouldn’t told anyone about Alex. He trusts you.”

Geoff sniffled and nodded, knowing Zack couldn’t see him, but he still didn’t know what to say. “Wh… what about Al?”

Zack sighed softly. “Alex…. Is Alex. I think I have an idea of what’s going on with him, but… you know he can be… overly-private about stuff… he’s always had a problem with trust… But I think he’ll realize what he did and realize how badly he hurt Jack…”

Geoff heard Jack’s muffled cry, he wondered if his friend was crying into Zack’s shirt.

“Wings?”

“Hmm?” Geoff replied softly.

“Take care of yourself too, okay? Call me or Ri anytime you need to talk… I don’t know what happened with you guys after you got back to the hotel but… I’m guessing it didn’t go any better than Jack and Alex…”

Geoff sniffled, trying not to cry. “I… He…”

“Shh, it’s okay, Wings, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me now. Just know we’re here for you, okay?”

“O-Okay…”

“Good. Now, drink lots of water, no alcohol, crawl into bed and at least try to sleep.” Zack instructed, in full Mom-Friend override mode.

“Okay… tell Jack to call me when you guys get back to LA, okay?”

“Of course.” Geoff could hear the kind smile in Zack’s voice.

“Bye, Zack.”

“Talk to you soon, Wings.”

Geoff hung up, his hand falling limp into his lap. The rain was pelting the bus. It was the first time he noticed the screaming silence. He looked to the front and saw the empty passenger seat and broke his own rule; getting up, he sat down next to Otto.

“How’s Jack and Zack?” Otto asked quietly. He was sure Awsten had his headphones on, but just in case, he would talk quietly about Jack

“Shit… Alex hurt Jack…”

“Ph… Physically?” Otto said a bit incredulously, trying to imagine Alex and Jack getting into a fist fight.

“No, worse… Alex hurt him the way…” Geoff swallowed, not even wanting to say it. “I have to go back to LA when we get to Houston, he needs me.”

“Awsten needs you,” Otto reminded. “Badly.”

Geoff looked out the window, mildly wondering how much effort it would take for the water to make them crash.

“Not that badly…” He mumbled under his breath.

“That’s a damned lie and you know it.”

Geoff was quiet, his tired mind hyperfocused on the raindrops the windshield wipers couldn’t reach.

“.... He doesn’t love me, Otto…” Geoff said quietly, before standing and going to his bunk, leaving Otto feeling helpless.

“I wish I could tell you if that was true or not…”

 

  
The storm was getting worse, Otto could barely see past his windshield wipers. He muttered something about Zeus under his breath before gently pulling over to, he hoped, the side of the road. He sat there looking through his phone at the weather radar and sighed. the rain wouldn’t let up for another hour. Another hour until he could get off this bus that had become a version of personal hell for him.

His phone started ringing and he saw Rian calling.

“Hey friendship.”

Rian chuckled lightly, “I’ll never get used to you answering a phone call like that.”

“You will eventually,” He laughed quietly, so as not to wake the two back there who may or may not be sleeping. Probably not. “What’s up, Ri?”

“Where… are you guys? It sounds like you’re going through a car wash.”

“Close, we’re stuck on a highway in the middle of a storm.”

“Oh shit, that doesn’t sound like fun.”

“Neither does your current state of affairs, from what I hear.”

Rian sighed, Otto could almost visualize his fellow drummer, putting his head all the way back to look at the ceiling.

“It’s a mess, my dude.”

"Sounds like it. How’s Alex? Geoff told me Jack’s state.”

“Horrible, he never meant to say the things he did to Jack.”

“I figured as much. Alex doesn’t really have a think-before-you-speak filter does he?” Otto tapped his finger on the steering wheel.

“Never has, really…” Rian’s voice trailed off, Otto’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What’s wrong? Is he okay.”

“He’s gonna be fine, they both are… I just…” Rian sighed again.

“Rian, you can tell me. Are you okay?”

Rian’s voice was shaky and quiet when he finally spoke. “I-I don’t want them to be together…”

Otto’s eyebrows rose. “Jack and Geoff? Cause they’re n--”

“No, not them…” Otto could feel Rian’s anxiety through the phone. “I don’t want… I don’t want Alex and Jack to be together…”

“But… the bar, and you guys--”

“I know what we did but I…” Rian’s voice cracked, he swore under his breath. “I-I was hoping it wouldn’t work, praying actually…”

“Why, Ri?” Otto said, getting a bit worried, a bit mad, a bit confused. Why had they done this to their friends if they weren’t all on board. “Rian, please tell me we didn’t just hurt our best friends for no reason. We were all supposed to be in on it.”

“I just… I didn’t expect them to hurt each other like this, I was only hoping they’d realize they couldn’t be together....”

“Rian, why?” Otto said a bit urgently, recognizing Rian was avoiding the reason.

The reason came when Rian let out a low shuddering sob and Otto heard more pain from his friend.

“I love Alex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up fuckers, I'm back and here to ruin all of your lives.


	13. Emptiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is usual anymore.

What. The. Hell.

What had life become?

What… what was a drummer from Texas supposed to do with this information?

How did he become the Young Renegades Tour’s confidant? He certainly didn’t fucking ask for it.

“Rian… Wh… What… Um… What??” He had said back to the drummer in his phone.

Then it was a 90 minute conversation trying to calm Rian down as the other explained how he had been there for Alex through everything. All the girls, all the guys, all the booze, all the tears, all the laughs, all the fuckin’ everything.

Turns out, Rian had loved Alex since high school. And had been too chicken shit to do anything about it.

Sound familiar?

Otto’s brain was everywhere, too wired to sleep, the rain let up a bit and he got the bus moving. They were about 4 hours outside of Houston.

Jesus, he couldn’t wait to have a break from the emotional rollercoaster he had been on since the beginning of tour.

Hell, he couldn’t wait to have a break from the entire fucking world.

They were to go to LA next week and start recording  _ Entertainment _ , but Otto wasn’t sure how that was going to work out. They were supposed to stay with Geoff at his place, but if Jack was going to be there… 

Gods in heaven this was going to be a nightmarish 24 hours.

Geoff was going to leave pretty much the moment they got back to Houston, Awsten would cry, and Otto would be left to deal.

Otto tapped the steering wheel as he drove, trying to think of ways to help Geoff, help Awsten, Rian, Alex, Jack, Zack--- Dear gods.

“NOPE.” Otto barked, startling even himself. He wouldn’t get trapped in this vacuum of drama. If Geoff wanted to go home, then he wouldn’t stop him. If Awsten wanted to cry about it, Otto would listen, but wouldn’t weigh in.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. Of course that wouldn’t happen. He couldn’t be that cold to his friends. 

“Are we almost home?” Asked a tired Awsten as he wobbled his way to the passenger seat.

“‘Bout 3 hours now.” Otto said, glancing over at his friend. “... You okay?”

Awsten shrugged and got comfortable in the seat.

“Is… is he really going back to LA when we get home?”

Otto glanced at him before looking back to the slick road. The sun was going to rise soon, the dark sky was slowly turning a light grey in the distance.

“But… I want him to stay with us—“

“Awsten, I’m going to stop you there. Listen, I love you, you’re my brother, but what you did… or I guess didn’t do, was kind of really… fucked up. I don’t blame Geoff for wanting time to recollect himself. You can’t blame him either; you broke his heart.”

“But I…” Awsten’s voice caught, “I don’t want him to be a rebound…” He barely whispered it, he was afraid Geoff was listening, he was afraid of what Otto would say, he was just… afraid.

“And I understand that, I do, I genuinely do and appreciate that, but you could have done more than said ‘I can’t,’ and walk away from your crying best friend.” Otto scolded gently. He wanted to be harsh with Awsten, he was still angry with him too, but he couldn’t. Not when he saw Awsten was in just as much pain as Geoff was.

“Well what should I have done then?” Awsten scowled, picking as the hem of his sweater sleeve. Despite it being 104 degrees even at night in the boot of Louisiana, Awsten still wore sweaters and long sleeves all through tour. Otto would have been worried about him self-harming had he not known Awsten better.

“You could have talked to him, calmed him down, told him it just wasn’t the right time. You could have reassured him, made him feel better.” Otto listed off, the ways Awsten could have done better. “You could have told him the truth.”

“How do I even know what’s the truth?” Awsten muttered.

“Because you’re the most honest asshole I know. And I would trust you with my life. But there’s the thing, Aws… Geoff trusted you with his heart. And that’s the biggest thing a person can trust you with.”

Awsten was crying again, burying his head in his knees. His quiet hiccups filled the silent void that was only accented by the humming of the tires on the road.

Otto felt bad, but he wasn’t going to sugarcoat anything for these two. He never did, and he never would.

  
Houston.

Home.

Or… maybe a place where Awsten could bury a deep enough hole, crawl in and die.

He sighed as he watched the rising sun glitter on the sleepy houses of the city they were entering. home was maybe 30 minutes away, but it was still too long, too quick, too… something.

In the last two hours of sitting next to Otto’s driving, he had been thinking of something,  _ anything _ , to say that would keep Geoff here with him, instead of LA with Jack.

Jack.

Fucking  _ Jack. _

Awsten grimaced, just  _ thinking _ of Geoff being around Jack. Didn’t Geoff know he was supposed to say with him? Help him through his break up? Help him… fall even more in love with him?

Awsten sighed, his dark eyebrows pulling together.

Otto was right.

He was a liar.

“Do you think… he’ll stay if… if I ask him to?” Awsten finally mumbled as they got closer to home.

“I dunno, man… but you’ll never know until you ask.” Otto replied, finally feeling the exhaustion from driving through the night.

They pulled up to the house Awsten and Otto lived in together, and turned off the bus engine. Otto stood and stretched, noticing Awsten wasn’t doing the same.

“Come on, bud. You gotta get some sleep.”

“No! The quicker we get in there, the… the quicker he lea--” He stopped talking hearing Geoff groan and tumble out of his bunk. Awsten sadly watched him stretch and gather his things.

“You’re bed’s still made in there, Geoff.” Otto said, going to get his things out of his bunk. They’d unload the bus later and take it to the storage yard tomorrow.

“Thanks, bud.” He was looking at his phone and seemed distracted.

Otto glanced at Geoff, then Awsten--still sat in the passenger seat-- and left, giving Awsten a pointed look. Awsten plucked again at his sweater hem, glanced and Geoff and saw him pick at his lip. He wanted to go over there and swat his hand away like he usually would.

But nothing was usual anymore.

Geoff was almost done packing up his bunk, which meant it was now or never. Awsten stood and slowly made his way to his bandmate.

“Geoff…” Awsten’s chest tightened a bit seeing Geoff tense. But the brunet turned and faced him for the first time since the incident. “Will you… will you stay… with m-- us? Here… please?”

Those blue eyes almost made Awsten run. Geoff’s emotions always shone through them, and what Awsten saw was way, way too much hurt.

“Awsten… I can’t I…” He dropped his gaze to his phone and sighed. “I just need some time… okay?”

“How… how much time…?” Awsten mumbled, wishing more than anything that he wasn’t the cause of Geoff’s pain.

“Enough time… please, just… let me have time.” Geoff said before pushing past Awsten and making his way into the house, trying not think that he had just left Awsten to cry in the bus.

  
“What time does your flight leave?” Otto asked, leaning against the doorway of the guest room. It was really Geoff’s room since Awsten and Otto really never hosted guests.

Geoff sighed and sat up on the bed. He had been lying there trying to go to sleep for the last two hours but, as usual, it was a fruitless endeavor. “9am tomorrow. Will you take me to the airport?”

“Of course.” Otto still stood there, watching Geoff in laced silence.

“No, I’m not going to stay for him.”

“Geoff--”

“No! Okay, Otto, no! I just--” He stood and started pacing, his hands finding their way up to tug at his fluffy brown locks. “I’m allowed to grieve, okay?”

“Grieve, what?” Otto said, upset that he was caught in the middle of this, and upset that he was angry at both Geoff and Awsten. But given their history, he would always pull for Awsten. “You don’t  _ have _ anything to grieve.”

Geoff turned on him, anger in his eyes. “You know what, Otto, I can feel how I want. And you can’t tell me that I don’t have anything to feel.”

“Dude, I never said that you can’t feel, I’m saying that you’re grieving over something that never happened.” Otto instantly regretted that. He watched Geoff’s face crumple. The guitarist walked over to the bed where his phone was resting. “Geoff, come on, I-I didn’t mean-”

“No, I understand what you meant perfectly, Otto.” He pushed past his friend, grabbed his duffle bag and suitcase and went downstairs.

“Geoff. Geoff! Come on man!” Otto shouted after him, following him down, past Awsten who was moping on the couch. “Geoff!” Geoff slammed the front door in Otto’s face, talking on the phone to someone.

“What?? What happened?? Why does he have his stuff?”

Otto sighed and wanted to bang his head on the wall until his head went through it. “I tried to fix what wasn’t mine to fix.” He groaned and rubbed his face, before looking at Awsten. “I can’t do this anymore… I can’t stop him, I won’t. This is up to you now.” He walked past Awsten and up the stairs.

Awsten stared out the door, watching Geoff wait at the end of the driveway, still talking to someone on the phone.

Move, Awsten.

A car was coming down the street, he saw Geoff’s shoulders start to shake.

_ Move _ , Awsten!

The car slowed and stopped in front of the driveway. An Uber was here to take Geoff away from the house. Away from Otto and Awsten.

_ Move, Awsten!! _

Before his brain could get his feet to move, the car door closed and the taillights disappeared.

Geoff was gone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get entertainment from your misery.
> 
> Comments make me write faster.
> 
> Just sayin.
> 
> *wink wink*  
> *cough-givemevalidation-cough*


	14. Resentment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When did life get so hard? When did life get so... dramatic?

“4 hours.” Geoff’ voice was monotone into the phone. He was sitting alone in a Holiday Inn hotel room next to the airport.

“A four hour flight, that’s not too bad…” Jack’s voice responded from the other end. “What time does it leave?”

“11am…” Geoff picked at the pristine white comforter.

“I wish you would have stayed with Otto and Awsten.” Jack sighed. “I’m worried about you. You know I’m gonna body check you when you get here, right?”

Geoff glanced in the mirror that was directly across from the big bed he was sitting on. His shirtless reflection stared back; blue eyes tired and judging his mistakes.

“That’s not necessary, Jay…”

There was silence on the other end for a moment.

“... Already?”

Geoff’s guilt spread from his heart to his fingers and toes. “I… I’m stressed and tired and…”

“Oh no, Sunshine…”

Geoff looked away from his reflection and back down to the comforter.

“Are you gonna sleep tonight?”

“I dunno, it’s probably too late for me to take my pills, I’d sleep through my airport shuttle call…”

“Well, then Zack and I will pick you up at the airport tomorrow, okay?”

Geoff nodded. “I appreciate that, Jack, I’ll text you my flight plan.”

“Good.” He hear Jack say something to Zack and then sigh. “Have you heard anything from Awsten?”

“No, but his phone is busted.” Geoff replied quietly. “How are you doing, Jay? Are you okay?” He asked, trying to take the focus off himself.

“I’m… I’m okay, Zack is here.” Geoff could hear the smallest smile in Jack’s voice. His eyebrows rose.

“Do you still want to stay with me when I get home?”

“Uh, duh, you’re not escaping my smothering love that easily.” Jack replied.

Geoff let out a breathy chuckle. He looked back up at his reflection, his small smile fell. “I’m gonna try and get some sleep, Jack… I’ll text you my flight plan in the morning.”

“Promise? Text me when you wake up. Zacky and I will be waiting with open arms for you.”

Geoff smiled and wished he was going home already.

Call waiting beeped in his ear.

Pulling the phone away, he saw Otto was calling him. He sighed.

“I gotta go, Jack, but I promise I’ll text you.”

“Okay babe, try and get some sleep, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

Geoff sighed and hit accept on Otto’s call.

“Otto, I don’t want to talk.”

“Gee…”

Geoff’s heart sunk. It was Awsten, and he was crying.

“C-come back, please? C-come back a-and let’s fix this, I-I need you--”

“Awsten.” Geof breathed, unable to find his full voice, he was trying to keep tears from burning his eyes. “I need time, I…” What excuse was there? “I just… I can’t.” He hung up before Awsten could say anymore.

He just… couldn’t.

  
  
His call for his shuttle came sooner than he expected, but took longer than he wanted. He stayed up all night propped up against the headboard, his tired eyes were glazed, glued to the Discovery Channel all night, not absorbing a single amount of information from the programs. The hotel phone rang and startled him out of his zombie state.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Wigington?”

“Speaking.” He replied, rubbing his itchy, tired eyes. With every rub, it felt like he was pushing sandpaper deeper into his sockets.

“Sir, your airport shuttle is here. Please stop by the front desk before you leave, however, I have several messages for you from a Mr. Knight. They seem quite urgent.” The woman on the other end gave an uncomfortable pause. “He was crying for a few, sir.”

Geoff sighed again, “Okay, I’ll be right down.” He hung up, stood and stretched. Today was going to be a long day.

  
Sitting on the shuttle bus, Geoff zoned out, staring out the window into the grey city haze. The papers filled with messages from Awsten sat in his hand. The frantic writing of the desk clerk made him want to laugh a little, he could imagine Awsten was probably yelling a lot, or just really hurriedly. The last few messages in the pile were dotted with question marks, these must have been the messages where he was crying, the notes didn’t make much sense. And when Awsten cried, nothing he would say would make much sense.

Guilt ate at him, like worm burrowing through a rotting apple. Holes were appearing in his soul, numbness radiated from them, trying to swallow him whole. This wasn’t his fault though, so why did he feel so guilty?

 _‘Are you insane, of course this is your fault.’_ The voice hissed in his ear. Geoff closed his eyes and tried to shake off the auditory hallucination. _‘If you had kept your big, gay, mouth shut, then none of this would have happened.’_

“Mr. Wingeinton?”

“Mm? It’s Wigington.” He said, rubbing his eyes.

“Oh, sorry, sir. We’re here.”

Geoff looked out the window to see the airport doors in front of his window. Didn’t they _just_ leave the hotel?

“Oh, thank you.” He got up, grabbed his suitcase and made his way inside.

The security line was long.

TSA was rude. He hates taking off his shoes.

The terminal seats were uncomfortable. 

Awsten’s notes crinkled in his pocket.

Awsten.

Geoff put his heads in his hands and tried not to cry in public for the fortieth time in twelve hours. Awsten and Otto would be living in his home in a week. He had a week to get over Awsten.

He had a week to move on.

Fuck.  


“Wings!”

“Babe!”

4 hours later, Geoff was being bear hugged by Zack and Jack. He smiled and hugged his friends.

“Hey, guys, how are you?”

“No no no, don’t you try to keep the attention off you.” Jack had a firm grip on his shoulder and was steering him after Zack to the car. “C’mon, take it off, I want to see--” Jack was tugging at Geoff’s long sleeved shirt.

“Jack, not here. Wait until we get him home. Where’s home, Wings?”

Geoff rubbed his eyes again as he got into the passenger seat for navigation. “Take a left out of here and get onto the highway heading north.” He sighed and looked out the window as they drove out of the parking garage into the warm, welcoming, sickeningly bright, California sun. He sighed and rubbed his forehead and eyes.

“Tired, babe?” Jack asked, leaning forward, his eyes glued to Geoff’s shirt collar, he thought he could see something there.

“Always tired, Jay. Always.” Geoff sighed and rested his head against the car window. “I appreciate you picking me up, Zack.”

“What am I, chopped liver?”

“No, you’re chopped chicken, must tastier.” Zack threw back with a smile, glancing at Jack in the rearview mirror. “You’re welcome, Geoff, but I don’t think I had another choice. If I hadn’t come with Jack, I don’t think he’d let me crash at his place anymore.”

“True. You’d be homeless in LA.” Jack said, still trying to look for signs on Geoff’s exposed skin.

“Hotels.” Zack replied with a chuckle.

“They’re a myth. You’d be homeless, end of story.”

Geoff chuckled smiled lightly before he felt his eyes weigh down. Sleep. Of all times. At least it came.

“He’s in rough shape.” Zack mumbled, glancing at their sleeping friend.

“Too rough. Awsten did a num…” Jack trailed off, noticing something in Geoff’s pocket sticking out. “Wha…?”

“What is it Jay?” Zack asked, sighing as they slowed down to stand still LA traffic.

Jack reached forward and managed to pull out the pile of notes without waking the insomniac asleep in the front seat.

‘ _From Mr. Knight--_

_Geoffy please call me, please come home, please don’t leave’_

_‘Also from Mr. Knight--_

_Please call me, please call me’_

_‘Again from Mr. Knight--_

_You can’t leave, you leaving would be like the sun leaving the universe and sky and sea (?)’_

Jack sighed softly and slipped the notes back into Geoff’s pocket.

“Awsten’s gonna just…” Jack groaned angrily. “When I get my hands on that little blue haired fucker--”

“Jacko, calm down, you’re gonna wake him. We can discuss the details of Awsten’s demise later.” Zack’s grip adjusted on the steering wheel, his jaw clenching. ‘ _Geoff and I will discuss the details of Alex’s murder later as well.’_ He glanced back at Jack, catching him gazing sadly out the window. “Jack? Jackie? You okay?”

Jack shrugged. “As okay as a whore can be, I guess.”

“Jack, don’t talk like that. You know Alex didn’t mean--”

“Just drop it, Zack…” Jack sighed, looking out the window. “I guess it just confirms everything everyone says about me.”

“No, it doesn’t Jack. I promise you it doesn’t.”

The 40 minute traffic bound trip was quiet. A sad… kind of quiet. Geoff slept for the first time in Zack could only guess how long, and Jack looked like he was trying his best not to cry. Since Geoff was asleep and unable to give directions, Zack took them to Jack’s place. He managed to scoop Geoff into his arms, not that it was hard, and carried him upstairs to Jack’s guest room which he had been previously occupying.

“He asleep still?” Jack asked, standing in front of his bar set up, eyeing some whisky.

“He’s out like a log.” Zack said, walking up to him, watching him. “What about you? Want to go lie down?”

“No, no, I’ll…” He sighed then looked at Zack, those brown eyes filled with the same sadness Zack had seen in Geoff’s eyes. Pain caused by another person. “Am… Am I really... “

“No. You’re not.” Zack said quietly, he gave Jack a soft, comforting, smile before gently touching his cheek. “Alex is wrong. You’re not a whore. And he does care about you… Just not the way…”

“Just not the way I want…” Jack said, looking back to his shoes.

“Just not the way you deserve, Jacko.” Zack said, turning to pour two glasses of whisky. He handed one to his best friend. “To future hearts.” He said with a smile.

“And the scars on them.” Jack responded, clinking the glasses.

 

  
“I swear to god, if Awsten calls your phone one more time, I will teleport to him just to slap him.” Alex growled, pacing in front of Rian.

“It’s not Awsten, Lex, it’s Zack.” Rian lied, seeing Otto’s number pop up on his screen for the gazillionth time.

“Oh what does Zack want?” Alex threw up his hands. “To complain about Jack crying, oh boo hoo!”

“Alex, watch it. Jack is my friend too. And your best friend.”

“He’s not--!” He stopped himself before he could finish.

“See, you wouldn’t give up Jack for all the Rosé in the universe. You two just need time to cool off. Actually, all four of you do. We’ll discuss everything when you guys can just… process.” Rian said, standing to stop Alex’s anxious pacing. He rested his hands on Alex’s shoulders.

“When did this get so hard.” Alex sighed.

“It gets harder when you sleep with your best friend since high school.”

Alex flushed and stomped off to the bar in Rian’s house. Alex barged in on Rian’s life when he learned that Jack and Geoff would be rooming together in LA.

“Easy on the liquor, Lexi, you haven’t eaten today.”

Alex nearly choked. “I told you to stop calling me Lexi!”

Rian laughed, going out to the patio. “Make me.” He sighed and pulled out his phone again, and called back one of Awsten’s dozens of phone calls.

“Geoff??” Answered Awsten’s frantic voice.

“Sorry, Aws, Geoff’s in LA, I’m not.” Rian tried to sound as kind as possible. But he was caught in the middle of this drama.

“Can you…. Can you ask Jack to tell Geoff to call me?”

“I can try Aws, but I can’t--”

“Please, Rian, please!”

Rian sighed. “Okay, bud, I’ll try.”

“Thank you, Rian, you’re the best like seriously dude, like they don’t even know how awesome you are--”

“Yes, Awsten, I know, I’m a freakin’ god. I’ll relay the message okay? Why don’t you have Otto take you out and just relax. Like I told Lex, you all just need to calm down.”

“I know… Just--”

“I know Aws. I’ll have him call you.”

“Okay, I’ll--”

“Goodbye, Awsten.” Rian said with a small chuckle. He hung up the call and sighed, rubbing his aching head. He looked out into his backyard and wished he were at the cabin in the mountains.

“Rian!” He heard Alex cry from inside.

Too much drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you hear the drama bells they ring and clang loudly and make you hate me
> 
> Regular updates now every Friday 5pm Central time


	15. Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that socks like pop punk music? They regularly like to play it too.

_ “Don’t wait for anyone _ _   
_ _ To say it for you _ _   
_ _ Say it for yourself _ _   
_ __ What if God was--”

“Awsten.”

_ “Would it make ANY DIFFERENCE _ _   
_ _ WOULD YOU OPEN YOUR EYES?!” _

“Okay, that’s enough--” Otto turned off the blaring stereo, silencing Awsten’s singing-along wails. Awsten let out a whining groan, pulling the couch cushion over his head. “Hey.” Otto bent down and nudged Awsten’s elbow with a bottle of Gingerade Kombucha. “I got you some kombucha, buddy.”

“Socks don’t drink kombucha.” Awsten’s muffled response came as the singer tried to press the cushion closer to his face. Maybe trying to smother himself.

“Oh, we’re socks today?” Otto said, tugging a bit at the cushion. Awsten’s grip tightened. Definitely trying to smother himself. “I didn’t know socks liked Neck Deep.” Otto sat on the couch looking at Awsten’s cramped position next to him. The singer had managed to pull his hoodie over his knees so that he was in a ball with only his feet sticking out of the sweater. “You’re gonna ruin that hoodie.” Otto poked Awsten’s foot who immediately took a swing at him. “Hey, that’s rude. Come on bud, let’s get up and take the bus to the lot, the neighbors probably want it gone.”

“The bus can rust and rot there for all I care!” Awsten yelled from under his couch cushion.

Otto rolled his eyes. He was trying to be compassionate, he really was, but  _ fuck _ , Awsten was turning into a terror.

“Alright then  _ I’ll  _ take the bus. Do you want anything while I’m gone?”

“Turn the music back on!”

Otto sighed, got up, turned the blaring music back on, and left, taking a last look at his heartbroken friend curled up on the couch. 

 

**_Ring ring_ **

_“Hey! You’ve reached Geoff! Sorry I couldn’t answer, I’m probably trying to keep Awsten from lighting things on fire! Leave a message and I’ll call ya back!”_ **_Beep._**

_ “We’re sorry, the mailbox is full. Please try again later.” _

Otto sighed and hung up; Geoff wasn’t even listening to voicemails. Great.  _ Now _ how was he supposed to fix this? He knew Geoff wasn’t answering his calls anymore because he thought it was Awsten calling. Jesus, this is nine kinds of fucked up. 

_ ‘It’s Otto, please call me.’ _ Sent at 12:37pm

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for someone from the lot to let him in behind two other RVs that were being dropped off. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone started vibrating, he hadn’t expected Geoff to call back at all.

“Hey.”

“Hi…” Geoff’s voice was quiet, uncomfortable.

“It’s just me, Gee, you can relax. He’s at home, I’m taking the bus to the lot.”

“Oh…”

God, this was unbearable. “Listen dude, I understand that you both need space, but are you going to be okay when we’re out there in a few days?” 4 days to be exact.

“I’ll be fine. Jack and Zack have been keeping me company. It’s just gonna be awkward for a little while.”

“Dude, for how long? Awsten has literally not left the couch since you left.”

“Listen, I won’t be rushed, Otto. I love you, I do, but you need to turn your attentions to Aws. I’m working on moving on. I’ll see you guys in a couple days. Text me your flight info and I’ll pick you up.”

Otto sighed. “Okay, but--”

“No buts. I’m healing. That’s the best I can do. It’s the best Awsten can do. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay… I’ll text you.”

They hung up and Otto sat there, wondering how the  _ hell _ this was going to work out.

 

“I don’t want to go.”

“You have to, it’s our album.”

“Socks don’t travel.”

“In suitcases they do, which is what I’ll shove you into if you don’t knock it off.”

“Ass.”

“Bitch.”

“Fuck you, Otto.”

“No, thanks. Now get up and pack. Or I’ll do it for you and back your more blandest color shirts. We leave in two hours for the airport. Hurry up.” Awsten stomped up the stairs to his room to back. Otto loud out a loud groan. Being the dad-friend was exhausting. How the hell did Geoff do it?

 

_ “Flight 484, nonstop from Houston to LA, now boarding. Please inspect your ticket and lineup by boarding class. We will begin with First Class and Class-C passengers.” _

Awsten squinted at a woman who had been standing amongst the sitting patrons. She was doing a weird little potty dance. “Can’t she just sit down? She’s making me nervous.”  __ He whispered to Otto, blatantly starting at the woman.

“I know, I want to ask her if she needs directions to the bathroom.” Otto mumbled back, glaring at her. “Like damn, bitch, you ain’t gonna miss your flight, you’ll get your fucking turn.” Awsten squinted more. Otto snorted. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to mind control her into pissing herself. Maybe she’ll stop dancing.” Awsten said, tapping his fingers against his shiny new phone. He had texted Geoff his new number half an hour ago and had only gotten an ‘okay, i’ll pick you guys up in a couple hours!’ followed by a sun emoji.

But what did it mean? It was… such a  _ Geoff _ text that Awsten shouldn’t think twice about it… but that was the thing. It was _ Geoff _ . It was simple, but caring, sweet with the little sun, and just so damn.. G E O F F.

It dawned on Awsten.

Geoff, sweet Geoff, sunshine on a rainy day, sunshine through Awsten’s gloom…. Geoff… Awsten’s Geoff... 

Had moved on.   
  


“Sunshine? Here’s your coffee.”

Geoff smiled lightly and took the cup from Jack, his foot tapping on the dusty, dirty floor of the airport.

“It’ll be okay,” Jack said, sitting next to him. “I promise.”

“Thank you for being here, Jay. It means a lot.” Geoff tapped the cup with his fingers. Jack put his hand on Geoff’s knee to stop the bouncing. Geoff sighed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jack gave his knee a squeeze. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Geoff smiled softly at Jack, enjoying having his friend with him. Jack smiled back, those warm brown eyes always showing appreciation and love for Geoff. Sometimes when Awsten smiled at Geoff, all he saw was cynicism. Maybe had made up the love he wished he had seen in Awsten’s heterochromatic eyes.

“Dinner, drinks, dancing tonight?” JAck asked with a smile.

Geoff snorted. “Dinner, drinks, movie, is what I agreed on, knuckle head.”

“Awe, but Zack wants to daaaaaaance.”

“No, you mean you want to  _ see _ Zack dance.” Geoff laughed.

“Maybe so!” Jack yelled, quoting that stupid vine that made Geoff laugh.

_ “Flight 484 arriving from Houston to LA at Gate 4C.” _

Geoff immediately bit his lip. Jack reach other and touched his chin. “Knock it off, nervous nellie. I don’t need Awsten to yell at me for chewing your lip raw.”

“Awsten won’t yell at you if he knows what’s good for him.” Geoff sighed, glancing down the hall. “Where’s Zack? He went to the bathroom like 17 hours ago.”

Jack laughed. “He’s probably at a gift shop. He’s got a thing for kitschy LA souvenirs.”

Geoff laughed. “He’s perfect for you.”

Jack’s smiled faltered and he looked down into his flimsy paper cup. “Yeah right.”

Geoff’s eyebrows rose so high, they could have disappeared into his hairline. “Oh??? What’s going on there?”

“You shut your pretty mouth if you know what’s good for you!” Jack hissed, spotting the muscular bassist making their way, grinning from ear to ear with a gift bag in hand.

“Guys look!” He pulled out a shot glass, magnets, and a sweatshirt.

“Zack, you live in Hawaii, what the hell are you gonna do with a sweatshirt??” Geoff asked, eyeing the gaudy sweatshirt.

Maybe he’d as Jack to steal it for him.

“Hey, we tour in cold climates, don’t judge.”

Jack squinted at him. “You’d run shirtless through the snow storm in Alaska.”

Zack mockingly squinted back. “At me, bitch.”

Jack stuck out his tongue, and Geoff laughed. His laughed stopped when he noticed two very familiar people standing there and watching.

“Play nice.” Otto mumbled to Awsten, before stepping forward to meet Geoff’s extending hug.

“You guys ready?” Geoff asked with that bright sunshine smile. But Awsten noticed he hadn’t been offered a hug. 

Awsten watched as Jack and Geoff led the group to the luggage trolly to collect their insane amount of bags and instrument boxes. Lucky Geoff remembered to bring the trailer. Security had done him a favor and was watching it outside so they didn’t get towed. It was a deal they were usually able to finagle with airports, especially because they paid a ridiculous amount in luggage fees without complaint. But, watching Jack and Geoff chat, not include him, and just be happy… Awsten now wished he  _ had _ let Otto shove him into that drum case and put him on an airplane where no one could see him. Or so, he couldn’t see  _ them _ .

“Aws? You okay?” Zack asked, pulling back by Awsten, helping him with one of his guitar cases.

“Zack, you’re the most honest person I know, you literally don’t know how to lie, you’re like… Tinkerbell, or something--”

“Tinkerbell?? Hell yeah! I love that!” Zack grinned. The most muscular tinkerbell around.

Awsten laughed for the first time in a while. Zack noticed Geoff glanced back with a gentle smile.

“Is Geoff… is he… happy?”

Zack sighed. “Happy is a strong word, Aws. He’s....” He chewed on his vocabulary. “He’s content, I think.”

“Is he… still?”

“He doesn’t sleep, but Jack does body checks on him every morning. Jack’s still trying to get him to take his pills but you know how stubborn he is.”

“Oh you guys are staying with him?”

“Only until you guys came. Jack was too worried about him to leave him alone.” Awsten stopped in his tracks. Zack paused too to look back at him. “Aws? You okay?” 

_ ‘Oh my god… How… I’m so fucking selfish!’  _ Awsten’s thoughts were screaming at him. He teared up, dropped all of his equipment, the thud so loud, the entire group froze and turned to look at him. He shrugged off his backpack and ran straight at Geoff, leaping on him and holding on like a spider monkey.

“A-awsten--” Geoff nearly fell on his ass, but Grabbing Awsten tight around the waist helped him regain his balance. 

“I’m sorry Geoff, I-I’m…” He sobbed into Geoff’s denim jacket, people were staring, but he didn’t care. “I’m sorry, I-I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, but I-I, I’m here now, I swear it!” He sniffled, sobbing the nearly incoherent words into Geoff’s shoulder.

Jack waited for Geoff’s signal to pry Awsten away, but to his surprise Geoff’s awkward, keep-me-from-falling grip, turned into a genuine hug.

Awsten sobbed again. “I missed you.”

Tears rolled down Geoff’s cheeks.

“I missed you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im feeling feels enjoy stupid feels


	16. Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not easy. Pretending.

It’s not easy.

Picking up where you left off-- not even where you left off, more like… three months  _ before _ where you left off.

Still, it’s not easy.

Geoff smiled at Awsten, laughed with Awsten, hugged with Awsten, lived life with Awsten.

Pretended with Awsten.

Pretended everything was okay, pretended he never said the thing he knew he couldn’t take back. Pretended Awsten wasn’t hyper aware of Geoff’s sleeping habits, of Geoff’s self harming habits. Pretended that he was fine when Jack would steal him away to do a body check.

Pretending.

It’s not easy.

“He seems… okay.” Otto said to Awsten, observing Geoff in the sound booth.

“He’s tired.” Awsten sighed, taking a sip of the kombucha he had picked up on the way to the studio.

“He’s always tired.” Otto responded, tapping his shoe with his drums sticks.

“I tried, Otto, I did--”

“Hey,” Otto stopped tapping, and put a hand on Awsten’s shoulder, “I’m not saying you didn’t, I’m just saying he is.”

“I know.” He sighed.

“Hey!” Jack came bounding in, he had lunch for them all. He had, much to Awsten’s annoyance, been attached to Geoff like velcro. But the singer couldn’t say anything, he and Geoff were just getting back to normal.

Rather, their new version of normal. 

Jack rushed over to Courtney and pressed the talk button, ignoring the way the producer was trying to shove Jack out of his personal space.

“Sunshine! I got you a burger from In ‘n’ Out!”

Geoff looked surprised, “You went all the way out there for In ‘n’ Out?” They could see him start to set down his guitar.

“Hey! You still have half a song left!” Courtney shouted over Jack’s shoulder, struggling to shove the taller man out of the way.

“Oh, come on, Court! His burger will get cold!” Jack laughed, standing up straight and handing Otto and Awsten their bags with a big grin. “In ‘n’ out!”

“Thanks, Jay! You’re awesome!” Otto grabbed his bag practically drooling, Awsten took his with the same fervor, just as hungry as the rest of them.

Geoff sat next to Awsten, between him and Jack, happily munching away on the burger. Awsten kept glancing at him, trying to judge the days by the dark circles under Geoff’s eyes

4 days, maybe? Jeeze, how was he functioning?

“Hey, Gee?” Awsten asked quietly, leaning close to him, using those big puppy dog eyes he did so well.

“Hm? What’s up?” Geoff looked at him, shoving some fries in his mouth, he nearly choked seeing that look. “What’s wrong??”

“Can we go to the beach?”

Geoff blinked in surprise for a moment then smiled. “Sure, that sounds like fun. Otto, beach?”

“Hell yeah.” Otto said, mouth stuffed full of sandwich.

“Jack? Beach?” Geoff said, turning to look at the other guitarist.

“Pass, gonna have drink with some friends tonight.”

A huge grin spread across Geoff’s face. “Oh yeah?”

“Say a word and I’ll sew your pretty mouth shut.” Jack glared at him, sending Geoff into a fit of giggles.

“Well,” He said with a big grin, “If you need a ride back tonight, just text me.”

“Ah! Text  _ me _ !” Awsten said, mouth full of fries. “You’re not allowed to drive until you get a weeks worth of sleep.”

Geoff looked at him but smiled in thanks. “You don’t have to do that, Aws.”

Jack leaned forward. “Yeah, dude, I can just call an uber, no need to put you out.”

Awsten glared at both of them. “Accept my smothering love and mothering and let me drive you home if you need it!”

They all laughed, until Courtney threw a wadded up burger wrapper at them and pointed Geoff back into the recording booth.

  
“Sweet freedom!” Awsten bellowed as they stepped into the sunlight from the studio. “My  _ GOD,  _ it’s balls hot out here.” He glanced up to the glaring California sun, but sighed happily. “At least it’s not humid!”

“Okay, pretty boys, I’m setting you all free, but text me if you need anything!” Jack said, walking towards his car.

“You text me if you need a ride!” Awsten replied, walking with Otto and Geoff towards Geoff’s car.

“You got it, babe!” Jack waved at them before taking off.

“Shotgun!” Awsten shouted, running towards the car.

Otto chuckled and Geoff smiled lightly, Otto getting into the driver’s seat. He was chewing on his bottom lip, his mind racing. How would he get out of this beach trip?

Back at Geoff’s apartment, Geoff was standing in his room, swim trunks on and a long sleeve t-shirt. He sighed and looked at himself in the mirror. He was chewing on his lip again, trying to debate on how normal/abnormal this would look in public.

“It’s too hot to wear this comfortably… even if I get it wet…” He tugged at the hem of his shirt. Maybe he wouldn’t get in the water. Maybe he shouldn’t even put on trunks. He could get away with jeans and a long sleeve tee on the beach--

A knock at his bedroom door interrupted his flying thoughts. “Yeah?” He said, a little startled. 

“Hey!” Awsten said, walking in with a bag in his hand, a grin on his face. “I got you something. Now hurry up! We’re loading the cooler and snacks into the car! BEEEEEAAACH!” He yelled, running out of the room and downstairs.

Geoff chuckled and looked into the bag. His eyebrows rose, he pulled out the thing Awsten had gotten him. A long sleeved rash guard. Geoff smiled and felt tears prick his eyes.

“Ayyee! It fits!” Awsten grinned when Geoff came out, wearing the surfing shirt. “Come on! We’re gonna lose all the good sand spots!”

Geoff snorted. “It’s LA, there are no good beach spots.”

“Don’t kill my vibes, dude!” Awsten wailed.

“Far out.” Otto laughed, throwing up a peace sign.

“I hate both of you!” Awsten yelled, getting into the driver’s seat.

“Shut up and let’s go to the beach.” Geoff laughed, getting into the passenger side to navigate.

Awsten turned on some summer tunes, the entire car singing along to Lana Del Rey, Yellowcard, Sum 41, Blink-182, and others. 

“aaaaAAAAAAH THE BEACH!” Awsten yelled when they came down the hill and saw the ocean. Awsten always got excited about the beach.

Geoff hummed to himself, setting up their little area of the beach. He sat on his towel and watched Awsten power run after Otto into the water. It wasn’t as beautiful as some other beaches but, hey, he had Otto and Awsten to make up for it. He played with the hem of his rashguard, thinking of what he needed to do to get them ready for the album release, the upcoming tour, and logistics. Boring stuff.

Geoff filled his mind with boring stuff to forget the painful stuff. It helped. A little, anyway.

Awsten had managed to convince Geoff to get in the water, but couldn’t get him to go deeper than his waist. Geoff had tried, but the salt water stung too much. He splashed and laughed with his friends, realizing how much he had missed just being with his friends. It gave him an idea.

“Hey, you guys want to go out tonight? Movies and drinks, maybe we can see if there’s a concert or something?”

“Yeah! Can we go see the new Harry Potter film?” Awsten said, trying to squirt Otto with his hands.

“Fantastic Beasts?” Otto asked, trying to wipe salt water out of his eyes. He smacked the surface of the water to splash Awsten, sending the singer sputtering.

“Yeah that sounds great!” Geoff said, laughing at his two idiot best friends.

They kept going on, Otto splashing Awsten, Awsten trying to drown Otto, you know, the usual stuff. They spent four blissful hours in the water, on the sand, just being friends again. Just being family again. Geoff noticed some very dark clouds coming in on the horizon. Dad friend kicked in and he started gathering their stuff, calling for Otto and Awsten to come out of the water so they could start with their evening plans.

“So tomorrow, we finish the album, then what do you guys want to do?” Geoff asked, patting his hands on his towel covered legs as Otto drove them through LA traffic to get back to Geoff’s place.

“Well we went to Disney  _ World _ , I think it only fitting that we go to Disneyland now.” Awsten said from the backseat, munching on some fruit snacks Geoff had packed for him.

Geoff smiled. “Disneyland, Otto?”

“Disneyland.” Otto confirmed with a smile.

Geoff smiled, looking back out the window, feeling happy. “Disneyland.”   
  
  
A few hours, and showers later, they were sitting in a movie theater, ready to start their next adventure into the wizarding world.

“I’m a Hufflepuff,” Awsten said excitedly to the young girl sat next to him. “What are you?”

Geoff leaned forward, smirking. “Don’t listen to him, he’s a Slytherin but is just in deep denial.” The girl’s eyes went wide and asked her mom to trade seats so she didn’t have to sit next to the blonde Slytherin.

“That was mean!” Awsten pouted at Geoff.

“You’re the one that took the Pottermore quiz, you can’t deny hard facts.” Geoff said with a grin.

Awsten stuck out his tongue, and Otto threw popcorn at them both telling them to shut up, as the theater lights dimmed.

It took everything in Awsten to not sing along to the Harry Potter theme notes. It was as recognizable as that certain Black Parade note.

 

Two hours later, Awsten was jibbering on about the movie as they stepped back into the California sun. A wave of exhaustion hit Geoff, but he wouldn’t end this night for anything. They were normal again, they were happy again. They went to a fun bar, it had an arcade and full pizza menu, Geoff got mac’n’cheese pizza, Otto got a fancy tuscan pizza, and Awsten got a classic slice of pepperoni pizza. They munched away happily, playing ping pong, Otto and Geoff drinking some craft beers, all three of them laughing as they all failed at Pacman and Mario. It was a good night so far.

  
They were finding a place to stand at the music venue when exhaustion hit him again. He held up two fingers to order himself and Otto drinks, and gestured for a water for Awsten. He rubbed his tired eyes, keeping his back to the other two so they wouldn’t see.

“Hey. Is your name Geoff?” Geoff glanced over and saw a girl with neon purple hair. He really didn’t feel like being hit on so he said no. She laughed and ordered a beer for herself. “Well, Not Geoff, it’s nice to meet you, I’m a fan of your not band.” Grabbing her beer she walked off to the backstage.

Geoff shrugged off the tiredness and made his way back to his friends. He told them about meeting a “not fan” and drank deeply from his beer, hoping it’d wake him up. He set down his now empty glass to see Awsten watching him.

“You good?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

Awsten clearly didn’t believe him. He looked like he wanted to say something but just sipped his water. They were squished closer together as the headliner went on, deeply surprised to hear them do an awesome cover of ‘21 Questions.’ Awsten tried to ignore the way Geoff was glancing at him the whole time. He tried to ignore the way his own words hurt him more than anything right now. 

“Come on.” Geoff said, standing up from his barstool, taking Awsten outside by the hand. He and Awsten stood outside and Geoff watching him. “Take a breath, just for a second.”

Awsten did as he was told and tried to ignore the intense urge to cry. He missed her, but he hated her for what she’s said, and what she’d done. Awsten’s lip quivered and Geoff instantly swallowed him in a hug.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Geoff said soothingly. “It’s okay.”

Awsten clung to him as the dam broke, crying his multicolored eyes out as his best friend let him. Everything, the breakup, Ciara’s vicious response, the Geoff Incident, the worrying about Geoff, everything came to the surface and was flooding out.

“I got you, let it out.” Geoff said quietly, his grip not lessening.

He did. And it felt… freeing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the short break, November's been an asinine month.
> 
> Also I turned older on the 24th.
> 
> am old.

**Author's Note:**

> comments always appreciated


End file.
